Judge, 1903-01-17 · page 10 of 16
Judge — January 17, 1903 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several distinct pieces: **"The Useful Capitals"** is a fable-like story crediting the invention of capital letters to "Admus" (a play on "Adam"), joking that without capitals, fables would lack their moral lessons—a dig at how people rely on instructive stories. **"An Unpardonable Fault"** mocks a newspaper owner whose editor was unreliable despite claims otherwise—he carelessly printed an important editorial in the wrong section under a fake byline. It's satire about newspaper incompetence. **"The Wise Man"** is a longer story by Carolyn Wells ridiculing pretentious intellectuals. Professor Solomon de Solon Green, celebrated as a genius, offers only banal wisdom: "I eat when hungry, I go to bed when tired." The townspeople treat this obvious nonsense as profound philosophy—satirizing blind reverence for authority figures. **Bottom section**: A comic strip advertising some miraculous tonic or "reviviscent," showing before/after transformations with exaggerated testimonials about curing baldness, poor complexion, etc.—typical patent medicine advertising satire common in Judge magazine.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
‘THE USEFUL CAPITALS. ADMUS sat down one day and invented the alphabet. After several hours of painstaking toil he had designed all the small letters. “ They are very pretty,” he said. “I like their curves and curls, and no doubt they will be of inestimable benefit to the people.” Musing for a moment, he continued, 1 wonder, though, if these letters will be sufli- cient to supply all the needs of the future. Ah, I had forgotten the writ- ers of fables.” Whereat he turned to and invented the capital letters. Otherwise we might never have had any instructive morals in our daily reading. AN UNPARDONABLE FAULT. = ieee Mr. Rounder—“ Why did you ever let Makeup go? He was a thor- gi hoe] oughly reliable man. “A BEAR-BACK RIDER.” Mr. Bounder (newspaper owner)—" Reliable? Yes, but careless. He printed my best editorial on the Venezuela question on the tax-sales ey jp ; supplement and signed it ‘Old Subscriber.’ Reliable? Humph!" TEESE tives wondross wise, an otter thei wisest ever seen, Whose name was Herr Professor Solomon de Solon Green. Folks said, ‘* He's studied ancient lore, he’s studied modern wit— ‘There is no branch of knowledge but that he’s mastered it. Oh, let us go to him at once and beg that he will speak A masterpiece of ponderous thought worthy of any Greek.” They flocked in throngs and hordes to where the wise man lived ; then they Said, ‘Oh, Herr Solon Solomon, we beg that you will say A few short words of wisdom, and all through future years We will rejoice to hear those words still ringing in our . ears." Wise Herr Professor Solomon de Solon Green then said, “Leat when Iam hungry, when tired I go to bed.’ In awe the people listened and copied down this speech And as they slowly went away they murmured each to each, ure, such a wondrous wise old man never before was seen As sage old Herr Professor Solomon de Solon Green !" CAROLYN WELLS. SPOILED THE CAKE. SCE cians . ae What la the fatter with this cake, Mary?” ATIENCE sitting on a monument is not in it with Mary—‘ Ain't nothin’ th’ matther wid th’ cake, but Oi shlipped up on th’ icing.” patience collecting {or a monument fund. * Before taking your wonderful “ My tongue was always heavily ** My head, from loss of hair, re- “On taking your great reviviscent iy reviviscent | had panes in the back.” —_coated."” sembled a billiard-ball.”” the roses appeared in my cheeks."” «My eyes shone like stars, my = te ** And when | appeared among my friends again they did not recognize lips became two ripe cherries."" My hair was like the raven’s, me, so changed was I." * = CURED WITH ONE BOTTLE—AN EVERY-DAY TESTIMONIAL. comicbooks.com