Judge — January 10, 1903 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED WEEKLY AT THE JUDGE BUILDING, 210 PINTH AVENUE, NEW YoRK. Terms to Subscribers, UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. ‘One copy, one year, or s2 numbers - ‘One cop: One copy. fr thirteen weeks == => Including the Cunistaas Jvoce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $6.00. year. Wasraux Ornice—$28-829 Marguette Building, Chicago. EUROPEAN SALES-AGENTS—/nfernational mews company, Lode a's building, Chancery lane EC, ‘Brentand's, avenue det Opera, Paris: Sai erm rbach's mews exchange, Mais both the United States and Great Britaia, sent fo the Art Department should have the sender's fol: rach and every separate sketch. The ac descriptive letter-press should in every instance be written upon its individual pictur slip of paper. loclosare of stamps to the full amount of postage is also required. prompt retura of materia! not accepted. IHE PRESIDENT and Mr. Littlefield seem destined to win the laurels of undying fame as hunters of the octopus. EVEN MISERY does not love the com- pany which it meets in the Democratic ranks. FOR GRAND, mon umental obscurity and inaninity the aver age dramatic produc- tion is crowding the magazine sonnet pret- ty hard for first place. HILL is ving tow, submerged in a sea of murky degola- tion that is quite as in- tensely impressive as that of a toy- store in January. THE FIRE of genius is usually put out by the common hose of utility, although insurance policies are not is- sued against it. E MAY have thaws and thaws in January, but the thawing out of the great American sphinx, Gorman, will not be one of them. EVEN the great and only Dr. Lorenz could not give the average Tam- many politician of the rubricated pro- : boscis any valuable points in the art of IT pulling a leg. oe I" WOULD be a good thing, not to say a gilt-edged blessing, for Mr. Bryan if he should suddenly become jes’ makes me laugh.” MAKES UNCLE SAM LAUGH. Wa-al, naow, thet's the best joke of the season—thet story “bout Germany kickin’ up a fuss "tween me an’ my old friend an’ stand-by, John Bull, over a little bill-collectin’ business daown in Venezuela. It T WOULD not be a bad idea for one of our many amusement barons to make an arrangement with some of the South American countries to pull off their next revolution in Madison-square garden. see HE DEMOCRATIC DONKEY kicks himself and the adjacent wind out of shape, while the elephant of Republicanism munches and ab- sorbs the peanut of prosperity and wags his trunk in sweet content. TIMES may change and conditions may vary, for all things mundane are more or less mutable; but in the bright lexicon of American liberty the Monroe doctrine will go on forever. It has had a pretty vigorous existence so far, having passed the perilous points of childhood with safety, and Uncle Sam is ever on the alert to the end that its lustiness may be pre- served. The South American countries well know the meaning of its hos- pitality and protection. They absorbed that valuable husk of knowledge with the green monkey consommé of childhood, and it blossoms and leaps in their visions of liberty to-day. They all look to Uncle Sam for protec- tion, and he never turns a deaf ear to their entreaties when their cause is a righteous one. But he will not be played horse with by any representative of the large-hatted tamarind contingent, unless that representative appears on the scene with an immaculate record as regards financial solidity and order generally. He shakes the finger of warning at them that would be taken under his wide, protecting wing, and they know, as well as they know how to discourse romantic ditties on the guitar and eat olla-podrida, what that portends. With the other finger Uncle Sam points to the writing on the wall, which legends of sound sense and wisdom are extracted from President Roosevelt’s recent letter to congress. The South Americans know all the significance of these words, even to the subtlest shades of meaning, and are therefore well informed as regards the manner in which they must carry themselves, and what rules and regu- lations they must abide by and live up to, if they would enjoy the protection of the stars and stripes. Now THAT the pig is in season it is quite natural that the grunt of the porker should be heard in the land. But his grunt is quite eclipsed by that of the tobacco pig who has all seasons for his own. He can give the pig of commerce any Kind of a handicap when it comes to the matter of gluttony, and distance him in record-breaking time. The tobacco pig’s mission is to eat and fatten and be of no use to society; and when he goes about seeking what and whom he may devour he has his eye ‘on the contents of the table of the small dealer and on the small dealer himself. He has a long reach, and can gather a tea-biscuit or a ptarmigan at any range without a pair of tongs. He can and does whizz through the air on the para: bolic and gathers the small dealer on the fly, if he has not a lasso hand: id be- fore the latter izes his position the tobacco pig has him served au gratin or & la marengo, or in any other way that may strike his captious fancy. Often the biter is bit, and some day the diner tongue-tied and be compelled to let his money do the talking. eee FTER ALL is said and done, the philosophic all-round epicure must indorse the dictum that the proof of the political pudding is largely if not wholly in the gleaning of the plums. HEN we consider the rate at which chromo-literary fiction is selling and being devoured to-day from sea to sea and from mountain to mountain, we are not prepared to say that the fact that thousands of people in the south cannot read is to be regarded as a very dire calamity. ANTICIPATION. Tuomas (the photographer) —"‘ Now, look pleasant, little one. Keep your eye on the little mousey.” may be dined upon. For the small deal- er is weary of being wantonly robbed of the means to an end, which end is the gathering of the jingling sacks of gold which, in the melodious language that money speaks, means prosperity. The small dealer may not be as small as he looks, and the strength of the tobacco hog may be overrated. Some day the former may startle the business world not only by putting him out of the chase, but by converting his auricular appendage into purses and his caudal extremity into a whistle. The tobacco hog may learn to his sorrow, in a very brief space of time, that even the small dealer will turn, and then will he bea much sadder as well as a much wiser tobacco hog. comicbooks.com