Judge — January 3, 1903 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NEW YEAR'S CHARGE OF REVEREND SLI SLOPPER. NGEEAHLY belubbed, an’ dem whad is gwine ter be in dese diggin’s endurin’ ob de New Year's week, it behoof me ter lay down a few p'rambles an’ res'lushuns fo" yo'r gidances. Fustly—De debbil am purty foxy in he ole age. He maik hisse'f up in fine puppel an’ sto’ close. He know a niggah’s weakness, an’ temp’ him ter git whad moughty ap’ ter be a mis- ht. When de debbil cum down de pike ax him ter git yo’ de countysign, an’ ef he say Sumfin’ sof’ an’ winnin’ jes’ tell him ter go ‘way back whar he cum f'um. Many a niggah got hisse'f inter striped garments tryin’ ter argufy wid de debbil. Secon'ly—Doan' toas' yo'r shins roun’ sum uddah man’s hot- box tryin’ ter git yo'r blood wahm. Many a niggah got knock- out drops sittin’ roun’ doin’ nuffin’, Dar am nuffin’ so good fo" wahmin’ de blood as maikin’a grindstone go roun’ lively, or layin’ de ax ter de root ob de tree. Three times—Yo' hab heerd it said not ter glue yo'r eye on | de bottle; but I say ter yo’, doan’ stop when yo're passin’ by a chicken-roos’,. Sumhow a chicken doan’ hang on ter de roos’ when a niggah gwine by at de snail's gallop. De trackshun ob de grabit-tashun effec’ a chicken berry sudden laik when a niggah s slow up whar he is. . Fouhly—Ebber, when yo’ go out in de darksome, leabe yo'r razzah under de cyar- pet. Bettah dat yo'r bettah-ha'f use it fo’ a can-openah dan hab it wid yo’ when yo'r passhuns rise up. ILLUSTRATED SLANG. Fift—Beware ob de craps. Craps am ob two kinds—de crap dat grow in de groun* “Throwing a fit.” an’ de crap dat shoot. Beware ob de crap dat shoot an’ de crap dat grow in de groun’ taik keer ob itse’f, HE COULDN'T IMAGINE. Six times —'Bout dis time ob de yeah luk out fo" de husky troat. When dat disease *+THE fashions in woman's dress,” reads Mrs. taik root in a niggah’s mouf no ‘mount ob waterin’ sashify de huskiness. When a niggah Fijjit, «for next fall will be even more extreme than those of last winter. They will leave very little to the im- agination.” “Is that so?” asks Mr. Fijjit. * Well, f can't imagine yet where I'm going to get the money to pay for what you wore last winter.” WINTER. IS now the man who rocked the boat And shot the guide for deer With joy and glee upon his face The danger-sign skates near. ENOUGH. Jaggles—" When that Rus- sian applied to have his name changed did the court ask for any reasons ? Waggles—" Not after he gave his name. TRAV A TOUCH OF NATURE. Weary Wittie—"* Lady, behold in me a child of nature. who would fain request “"—— Mrs. Hanoout—"' Oh, take a sneak! You're the fourth touch of nature I've had to-day git it nuffin’ seem ter do him no good ‘cept tanglefoot. Sum fool nig- gahs tink ‘case deir noses am brack dat dey kin swaller tanglefoot widout bein’ foun’ out. De good Lawd nebber made a dead-line in a niggah’s bref so’s ter stop de smell ob tanglefoot comin’ outer de mouf. Seben, de lucky numbah—-De debbil ain't gwine roun’ in dese days like a roarin’ menagery lion. He done shake de split hoof, an’ he hab he fawked tail done up in ribben an’ fine linen. He moughty fine- haired, He dress in de stunnin‘est style an’ paht he hair in de middle an’ put a eye-glass in he eye. He cum moughty nigh bein'a high-roller in de chu'ch. He cum moughty nigh bein’ high, low an’ de jack-pot Finully, belubbed, wid dese few seasonin' remarks I leabe yo’ ter reflec’ on yo'r lattah cends. An’, in de langwege ob de Slamist, Selum, Kneesbrack an’ Indigo, rise up "um yo'r squattyvoo an’ dissipate. Y ————— THE HEIGHT OF REALISM. IN THE LANGUAGE OF Scene-painter—“ When you write your next story try to work in FLOWERS. alittle puff for me.” Tue nvacivtH—"* My! Press-agent—" All right. I'll make the star sprain her ankle by °¥ it does rain here ev- 4 ery morning about eight VERY MUCH OVER-“ATED." slipping on one of the rocks you painted.” oa ee comicbooks.com