Judge, 1902-12-27 · page 10 of 17
Judge — December 27, 1902 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several humorous sketches satirizing holiday excess and human nature: **"A Serious Disease"** mocks overwrought gift-giving, depicting Thomas Scruggs receiving so many ugly neckties that he contracts "necktiephoid"—a fictional disease from tacky presents. The satire targets the commercialized Christmas tradition of obligatory, thoughtless gift-giving. **"Overheard on the Train"** jokes about a woman using an expired ticket her son previously traveled on, highlighting either dishonesty or obliviousness. **"What Happened to Him"** contains an ethnic-stereotype joke about an Irish worker (references to "Moike," "av th' shteam-roller") in an accident. **"At the Church Christmas-Tree"** sarcastically compares candy bags to bags of coal—suggesting grown-ups receiving cheap, worthless items, perhaps mocking charitable distribution or economic disparity during the holidays. **"Don't Believes"** presents children skeptical of Santa Claus, with moralizing that belief has consequences. The page overall satirizes holiday hypocrisy, commercialism, and social pretense among American middle and upper classes.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A SERIOUS DISEASE. HOMAS SCRUGGS, on Christmas day, Got packages ga Until he wondered if there cvuld By chance be any more. 1 moaned Thomas Scruggs. very Christmas wreck 1am the sufferer who gets It always in the neck.” Ile opened each one when it came, ‘The ties were green and red and brown And black and pink and blue, With stripes and dots and funny lines Of truly awful hue. And slowly grew enraged, And not a package held a thi That his great wrath as For each one, be it long or short, Or or thick and Contained, in varied shape At last he fretted so about ‘The things that he fell ill, And then, to add to all his woes, A gaudy new cravat There was a doctor's bill, ‘Toulay, when asked about the case, He seems to grow annoyed, And answers that he suffered from A siege of necktiephoid. OVERHEARD ON THE TRAIN. Conductor (to lady traveling with small boy) —" | cannot accept this ticket, madam; it is not good.” “Not good ? Jimmy always travels on.” That ticket was honored by the conductor just the other day. It's the one WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM. wat hoy yez there—ilecloth or rag-car-rpet?™” jorra th’ day, Mrs. Murphy! but it's yure Moike. Mrs. Murexy— The SPOKESMAN. He shlipped an’ fell in front av th’ shteam- roller.”” AT THE CHURCH CHRISTMAS-TREE. “‘Dear me! how happy these grown-up people act at getting those little bags of candy from that Christmas-tree! small children.” “Oh, those ain't little bags of candy—those are little bags of coal.” FLOWERS THAT BLOOM IN THE SPRING. DON’T.BELIEVES. boys they says they don't bee e Some An’ ¢ is a Santy Claus, hen you ast them why there ain't ‘They say it's * just because.” ‘They say there ain't no reindeer sleigh, ‘or toys an’ other things ; ‘That there ain't nothin’ in the tales OF what ol” Santy brings. Tut my ma says those little boys Will find their chance is slim, *Cause Santy don't believe in folks What don't believe in him. CHANGED HIS MIND. ARACTACUS, on being led a prisoner before Casar, re- fused to plead for his life. “My lawyer,” he insisted, “advises me to say nothing.” On second thought, however, he decided to stand for a poison trial, knowing that this would prolong his existence indefinitely. Hereupon Cwsar, despairing, set him free. They are as delighted as if they were comicbooks.com