Judge, 1902-12-20 · page 35 of 52
Judge — December 20, 1902 — page 35: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This 1905 *Judge* magazine page satirizes early 20th-century social pretension and holiday hypocrisy. **Top left ("His Monkey Methods"):** A poem mocking men who adopt exaggerated manners and "swagger style" to appear refined in "ultra-swell socie-tee" while remaining fundamentally dishonest—they're performing, not genuinely cultured. **"His Finish":** A dialect-humor exchange where an African American character (Uncle Mose) declines another drink, having already consumed many that morning. This reflects period racial stereotypes about drinking. **"Christmas Charity in 1905":** Satirizes wealthy charity workers' obliviousness to actual poverty. A "charity worker" reports visiting poor families lacking *gasoline for their automobile*—mocking both the wealthy's ignorance of real deprivation and the poor's supposed newfangled spending priorities (automobiles were luxury items then). **Minor pieces** joke about inventors, boring suitors, and nostalgic Christmas traditions. The page's overarching theme: Christmas reveals gaps between pretense and reality across social classes.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HIS MONKEY METHODS. KNOW that when I bow and scrape T look extremely like an ape, But then I do it every day, Because, you know, Lam au fait. ome) In silly togs'am I bedect, Because, you know, I'm quite correct In everything I say and do, ‘Though not a monkey through and through. Tam not what 1 oft appear ; T only sport the gay veneer That's recognized from sea to sea In ultra-swell socie—-tee. And that is why T always pile On lots and lots of swagger style, Because the end "s the thing, you know, ‘That justifies the means, by Joc! ‘The end of all my capers queer Is but to A bovdy Ii Benes jure, ere ends the year, le girl T know h the mystic mistletoe And make a starting-point right there der church square, And gather that which near and For across the Is scads in the vernacular, Tthink I know what I'm about, And truthfully I sing and shout— Veneath my monkey whirl and whizz Tam a solid man of biz. HIS FINISH. Masor BuuesLup—" Merry Christmas, Uncle! mas eye-opener with me this morning ?"* Uncte Mosr—" Well. Majah Biueblud, 1 sho'ly wud like ter hab one ob dese yere eye-openers; but I dun had so many ob dem dis mawnin’ already I'm feared dis one would be an ‘ eye-closer.’" Won't you have a Christ- Santa Claus— | had a horrible dream last night.” rs, Santa Claus—* What was it, dear?” Santa Claus—* | dreamed that the centipedes had hung up their stockings.” CHRISTMAS CHARITY IN 1905. Miss Suytu—"' | suppose you find many cases of extreme want during your visits among the poor ?"" Miss Cuarmy Worxer—" Yes, | visited a family to-day and actually they hadn't a drop of gasoline for their automobile."* ‘A HOLIDAY NEED, - S6]F 1 could only think of something that every- body wants," complained the luckless inventor, “I could make my fortune.” “Why don’t you invent a noiseless drum?" asks the practical friend. A LIVE BORE. S¢]N THE olden times, Miss Sezzit,” observed ‘the young man who came early and stayed late, and said noth- ing of interest at any time, “it was a good old Christmas cus- tom to bring in the boar's head on a charger. “ And now,” answered the maiden, " the bore brings in his own head on his shouldezs.” But this only led the youth into a disquisition on the folly of permitting stock to run loose. SHE WANTED TO KNOW. «4]N DAYS gone by, Miss Gertrude," said the learned youth, the Christmas festivities were joyous, indeed, Beneath the long, low rafters of the ancient ng halls the ‘squire and his lusty retainers would gather and drain their horn drinking-cups to the bot- tom, then all the cups would come crashing to the oaken board and the cry would go comicbooks.com