Judge, 1902-12-20 · page 26 of 52
Judge — December 20, 1902 — page 26: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge magazine (copyright 1902) contains several brief satirical pieces and cartoons: **"The First Record"** jokes about Aristides (ancient Athenian politician famous for justice) being asked to sign an ostracism shell. He quips he could remedy being called "The Just" by umpiring baseball—a modern American reference mocking the hypocrisy of those seeking fair judgment. **"His Armies"** satirizes a South American dictator distinguishing between his armed forces and his "lying army"—the journalists writing accounts of fabricated battles for North American newspapers. This critiques sensationalist war reporting. **"Something in a Name"** shows a horse-fly complaining a poet uses it as a horse, playing on the literal name. **"Won't They Be Pleased?"** depicts a woman consoling another whose husband failed financially, noting creditors will be "pleased" receiving only nineteen cents per dollar—ironic commentary on bankruptcy. The page exemplifies Judge's satirical style: topical humor, wordplay, and social commentary on politics, journalism, and contemporary life.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JOHNNY'S JOY. OW he’s.on the hill-top, Boiling in his glee, Soon he'll glide, Slip and slide, On the tra-la-lee. Soon will he be flitting Like the gull at sea, All aglow, 3 vn O'er the snow, if / On the tra-la-lee. o Oh, he’s more than happy, Ce For he knows that he 6 Soon will shoot, 2 6 * Skip and scoot, On the tra-la-lee. ARISTIDES had just béen asked to in- scribe his name on the fateful shell. - “The man says his only objection is to hearing me called ‘The Just,’" he mused. “Of course I could remedy that by umpiring a baseball game.” However, preferring exile to such a course, he wrote as requested, and consoled himself with the thought that he was the first recorded victim of the autograph fiend. HIS ARMIES, ‘OTHIS.” said the South American dictator, indicating a little body of armed men, «is my standing army, but this "— Here he waved his hand toward three or four gentlemen who were industriously writing accounts of alleged battles and victories for the North American press— * This is my lying army.” HIS LONG CALL. Gerald—"1 am on the go most of the time.” Geraldine —“\ never should have noticed it.” COPTMONT (902 BY JUDGE COMPANY cf HEW YORK: Mr. Honse-euy—" Hang It all! SOMETHING IN A NAME. Just ‘cause my name Is Horse-fly that fool poet insists on.using me as horse."” SOLID COMFORT. | Abtbapny white Tit With my boot heels cocked on high, As the merry moments fit, On the kitchen stove to dry. T am tilting to and fro, Like a bluebird on the twig, And my spirits gayly flow, ‘And my fancies dance a jig. And I smoke my corn-cob pipe Till I like an eagle wing, Or the festive teeter snipe O’er the lily-pads in spring. ‘Though the snow-drifts fill the grove, And the winds uf winter blow, With my feet upon the stove Tam happy, don't you know. RISING. *+L TERE is an interesting article in this maga- zine,” observes the wife. “ What ahout 2” asks the husband. “ «Woman and Her Aims.’ ” “Huh! Has that throwing-bricks-at-the-hen joke worked its way into magazine literature at last 2” ‘THE MARKINGS OF FATE. ‘+ THIS deep line of destiny,” said the palmist, “is most remarkable. It shows that something connected with the sea has made, or will make, a strong impression on you.” “I guess you are right,” observed the subject. «+ That is the scar from a gash I made opening oysters.” WON'T THEY BE PLEASED? So sorry to hear your husband failed.” Mrs. Bocker—* Yes, but it will be such a lovely bargain for his creditors. He's going to pay them all, don’t you see, nineteen cents on the dollar. Mrs. Knicker. comicbooks.com ‘Stat & Witbeins ith & Pg Co Rew York