Judge, 1902-12-20 · page 16 of 52
Judge — December 20, 1902 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* magazine contains Christmas-themed humor circa early 1900s: **"Ballade of the Christmas Poet"**: A meta-joke about the magazine's own editorial demands. The poet complains he's exhausted all Christmas topics (holly, mistletoe, frankincense, myrrh, Christmas trees) and desperately needs a fresh idea—yet the editors keep demanding one anyway. It's self-aware satire about creative burnout. **"Ingenious Girl"**: A girl proudly shows her father she's repurposed his expensive Panama hat ($40—significant money then) as a waste-basket by painting it blue with green ribbon. The joke is her "ingenuity" has destroyed something valuable, yet she expects praise. **"His Ailment" and "Defective Vision"**: Brief comedic exchanges. One character claims Christmas banquet reading caused "indigestion of imagination"; another uses mistletoe/holly confusion as a pretext for unwanted kissing. **"Christmas 2 A.M."**: A drunk person sees double, asking which of someone's eyes to look into—implying intoxication from Christmas celebrations. The overall tone mocks Christmas excess, creative exhaustion, and holiday indulgence.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
BALLADE OF THE CHRISTMAS POET. HE editors have writ to me: «Pray give us something for our next ‘Great Christmas number. Let it be A gem quite new to fit the text.” Now, was a rhymester e’er more vexed? Alack ! I know not what to do; My poor old brain is quite perplexed— Oh, for a Christmas thought that’s new ! Of holly and of mistletoe T've scribbled till I'm almost dead ; In fact, of these two things I know ‘There is no more that can be said. ry All Christmas poets I have read, Hoping for some fresh point of view ; T've conned them ideas have fled— Oh, for a Christmas thought that’s new! I've written well frankince! nd myrrh.” And I have rhymed—I bl tell ‘That last word every time with *her."” | Of Christmas-trees—my mind 's a blur, | As yours would be, ; ‘A new idea wou ! Oh, for a Christmas thought that’s new ! LENVoI. Dear muse, I need a Christmas cheque. In your sweet graciousness will you ead, nor my hopes wreck, ae A little Christmas thought that’s new. CONFINED TO HIS BED. CHARLES HANSON TONE, INGENIOUS GIRL. HIS AILMENT. ¢ $6 QU." TITERS the fair young thing, “Ihave made the loveliest Soiled Spooner— You look like you was hurtin’, Seldum. What's present for papa !” de matter 2" + Made it ?" asked the friend. Seldum Fedd—V've got indigestion of de imagin “Yes, I found his last summer's panama hat in the wardrobe read de account of a Christmas banquet «lat cost ten dollars a this week, and I painted it blue and tied it up with green ribbon, and it makes just the loveliest waste-basket you ever saw.” DEFECTIVE VISION. As papa had spent but a bagatelle of forty dollars for the aforesaid She—* How dare you? We are not under the mistletoe. That panama hat, and expected it to wear the rest of his natural life,the is holly." amount of roseate joy in his soul on Christmas morning may be surmised. He—Oh, is it? I'm very sorry, but love is color blind, you know.” CHRISTMAS, 2 A. M. “ Look’me in the eye, John Henry!" * “Whish p'ticular eye, m’ dear? You sheem t' have more eyes 'n a p'tato!"” comicbooks.com