Judge — December 13, 1902 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

2S Sidge AT THE JUDGE BUILDING, 110 FIFTH AVENUE, NEW roRK. Terms to Subscribers. UNITED STATES AMO CANADA IN ADVANCE. Ove copy, one year, or sa umbers = $505 One copy. sa months of 26 nambers. = "530 One copy: for thirteen week's ns > 133 coding the Cunist¥as Juve. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries ia the postal union, $0 a year. Wassexn Urrice—828-829 Marquette Building, Chicago, E Breane's building, Chancery lane, London. Brentandt, atenue det Opera, farts: Saarbach's mews tichange, Blaine, Germany The contents of JUDGE are protected by plaialy oa tac! descriptive letter-press should ia every ii 08 its individual pictore, and NOT ‘upon a separate slip of paper. laclosure of stamps to the full amouat of postage is alse required, fo insure safe aed prompt retar terial not accepted. N OUNCE of prevention is better than a ton of faith-cure. MR. GORMAN is evidently of the opinion that while there is hope there is life. THERE IS a large solid theatrical element in politics, if une may judge by the thunder. T SHOULD be a source of consolation to the friends and admirers of old uncledbhill that political graveyards are never robbed. HEN A GIRL looks into the window of her soul she is very apt to see numerous dreams of bonnets that are of the pipe variety. THE TYPE of political orator of which Bryan seems to be the greatest living example evi- dently holds the opinion that an ounce of wind is better than a pound of wisdom. IKE THE KEY that will wind any watch and the doughnut that will fit any stomach, the presidential bonnet will fit any head, and no head ever grows too large for it. And while its style never changes, its bee is ever on the buzz, for a beeless presidential bonnet is quite as impos- sible as unthinkable. A NUMBER of Indiana miners recently struck because the mules in the mines were not, according to their ideas, treated with the consideration due to well-meaning and self-respecting mules. It has not yet been ascer- tained whether the action of the miners was due to sentiment and sym- pathy, or if it was in recognition of the fact that the mules have joined the union and that they and the miners have become one. Pretty soon the mules may not be massaged with a club, but may be as refractory as pos- sible and still have caramels and predigested angel-cake for breakfast-food. ATTERSON’S recent taking up and booming of Gorman as a real presidential possibility may be put down as a chain-lightning change of heart. Still, if Gorman should run he might glad the heart of his prime old Kentucky champion, as well as the hearts of all other reputable Ken- tuckians, by gaining a glorious plurality over the prohibition candidate. ]F PROFESSOR GARNER, who has taught the monkeys to speak, will turn his attention to teaching them to read he will, if successful, justify the great avalanche of fiction literature that is boiling red-hot from the presses night and day. Doubtless the publishers would glad and gild the professor’s soul and pocket with a special royalty on all copies purchased by and shipped to the arboreal contingent. THAT UNCLE SAM plays a first-class winning game of poker is a fact that will shortly be known to and appreciated by all those crowned heads who fancy that they are invincible at this, our real national game. Uncle Sam has by his methods so firmly riveted himself in the good graces. of the fates that those potent makers of destiny see to it that he is dealt hands upon which he can stand pat with absolute safety. With the cards he holds, the chances of his adversaries are as empty as the eulogies of a horse-auctioneer and as hollow as the wailing winds of yesteryear. His hands are as clean as his sleeves are empty, for his game is fair and square. The only chance the crowned heads have against Uncle Sam lies in their mitating him in their methods of administering the affairs of their respect- ive countries, which is the one way in which they can become the holders of the right cards. It does not make much difference how the cards are cut or shuffled; Uncle Sam always gathers the ones that win. He would do so if the cards were whirled and swirled about in a Kansas cyclone, that they might be mixed in a way to puzzle the most expert dealer. If the crowned heads know their business they will do well to induce Uncle Sam to open and conduct a correspondence school and give them a liberal education in the art of running their kingdoms in such a way as to make them sure of hands that will always enable them to stand pat. THE DEMOCRATIC PLATFORM is of so weak and fragile a fibre that thinking people often wonder how it ever stands alone. It is always shaky and out of repair, and while it would be impossible to find a company that would insure it against accident or defeat, it is not probable that any marine institution would care to smile upon it as a risk against tidal-waves and freshets. Mr. Roosevelt is a champion of the art of build- ing up and of justly pulling down. In his efforts to knock the supports from under the wabbling Democratic platform he is seen in both rdles at the same time. For he is pulling down, that he may build up, and this is a case in which the end certainly justifies the means. The peanut poli- ticians who stand on this condemned platform—or, rather, who flounder among its timbers like a litter of drowning kittens—must be a pleasant pic- ture to all people who are level-headed and who are sticklers for the good government which is synonymous with national prosperity. Among the flying splinters may be seen the upturned weaselesque visage of old uncle davidbennetthill trying to simulate an expression of joy that refuses to be simulated. He is accompanied by many of his compatriots, who will be recognized by their faces, which are their misfortune as well as the mis- fortune of their party. The ensemble is interesting as a study in dead- wood and dry rot, and the confusion of tongues and sentiments would make excellent campaign literature to help to victory the Samson who pulls down the platform that was builded upon the sand and not upon a rock. — V -p»~ comicbooks.com