Judge, 1902-12-13 · page 10 of 16
Judge — December 13, 1902 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical cartoons critiquing New York City police administration, likely from the early 1900s. **"The Finish of Captain Piper"** mocks Police Commissioner Piper's attempt to discipline officers for "ungrammatical language and unmilitary bearing." The satire: when a well-groomed, articulate officer honestly admits leaving his post to have a drink, the deputy-commissioner faints and resigns. The joke exposes how absurd it is to punish proper speech while overlooking actual misconduct—the system collapses on its own illogic. **"His Luck"** darkly jokes about Lieutenant van Buster's death in the Philippines, ironically calling it "fortune" since he avoided an unwanted marriage. **Remaining cartoons** mock working-class dialect ("Uncle Eph"), satirize lazy men who become constables, and joke about capitalists viewing worker intelligence as "unprofitable" rather than merely unpatriotic. The overall theme: institutional incompetence, class hypocrisy, and the gap between stated rules and actual practice in early-20th-century America.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE FINISH OF CAPTAIN PIPER. WE CAN se Police-commissioner Piper's finish. This is the way it will happen and be written up: Captain Piper was trying policemen. He had been annoyed often by the ungrammatical language and un- military bearin of the finest po- lice-force in the world (Note— This expressior is copyright- ed as a distinct novelty Pirates, beware !), and at last broke out, ' “One day's pay for being off post, and nine days’ pay for ungram- matical language and unmilitary bearing. Next case!” The delinquent po- liceman appeared. He . was tall, well set up, ’ carried himself ‘ike a soldier; wore his uni- form properly ; his but- tons were bright, his shoes polished, his gloves clean. He sa- luted with a correct military gesture. The roundsman made his complaint—off post. The po- liceman was called on for his defense. said. “The roundsman speaks the truth.” It was the first time in that court-room that a roundsman had been accused of speaking the truth. The complainant turned pale, the deputy-commissioner trembled, the spectators gasped. The policeman continued, * An old friend of mine had just opened a bar-room and asked me to take a drink. I went into the place”. «Didn't you think there might be a burglar?” asked the deputy- commissioner suggestively. Oto Lacy “TL have no defense, sir,” he Oh, that brave, gallant young Lieutenant van Buster! Gad! fortune favors the brave." Mr. Jones- EASY TO LEARN. oes this parrot use any bad language ?"* Binp-peaLer—"No'm: but he’s a young bird and easy taught.” The officer shook his head. “No, sir,” he said. “TL went in for a drink" “Did you get it?" asked Captain Piper. "Yes, sir; it was whisky "— “ How do you know it was whisky ?” “TL know its taste, sir.” But the deputy-com- missioner had fainted, and next day resigned on ac- count of ill-health. The doctors said his nervous system was shattered, UNSELFISH. Mr. Smith— You are looking for work, are you? Well, I think Lean find something for you to do.” Uncle Eph —""Scuse me, boss; but it ain't fo’ mahself I'm lookin’ fo" wuhk— it's fo" mah wife.” AN IDEAL SELECTION. Washing-machine agent —"What became of that fel- low Lazzenberry, who used to be always lounging around here, telling how hard he had to work when he was a boy?” Tavern landlord—* Aw, he finally got too lazy to loaf without a salary, and so we turned in and elected him constable.” IMPRUDENT QUERIES. 44 TO QUESTION the intelligence of the proletariat is unpatriotic TL exclaimed indignantly. ~ Unpatriotic 2” repeated the capitalist and statesman—great two in one—in the tone of a man who knew from experience.“ It's worse —it’s unprofitable.” . 4 HIS LUCK. Just killed in the Philippines, and was to have been married next month." comicbooks.com