Judge — November 29, 1902 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A THANKSGIVING PARADOX. ’M thankful I have no crutch nor cane, No ear-trumpet at my ear; T'm exceedingly glad that I am not dumb, And that old age is not near. I rejoice that I have no mortal ill, No bodily ache nor pain ; No burden of unrequited love, Nor hope that must hope in vain. Yes, Iam indeed a thankful man ; But you will observe that I'm not Returning thanks for the things I have, But—for the things I have not. VERY PROBABLE. SOYVHAT are the probabilities for to-morrow?” asked the star-boarder of the drug-clerk, who was looking over the paper. The drug-clerk turned to the weather-page and, seemingly un- conscious that the landlady was behind him, read, " For to-morrow and Saturday hash, followed by turkey-soup and croquettes.” ENTERPRISING MAN. 46] TELL you,” said Mr. Fadoogus, “our grocer is a shrewd fellow. He is always on the lookout for schemes that will bring trade his way.” “He must be successful,” said Mr. Wunder. “You bet he is! Why, he has the biggest rush right now on mince-meat that you ever saw. He is giving away a box of pepsin pills with each pound of it.” MATRONLY WARNING. ‘OTHE farmer,” said the young turkey, “seems to be very fond of me. He throws the choicest morsels of corn to me every day, and in many ways shows his ad- miration for me.” “Well,” advised the old turkey, “I wouldn't let it go on if were you, You are apt to lose your head over it.” Sida NUNC FROZEN-DOG MERCY. Tourist—“ Did you temper Justice with mercy when you caught that horse-thief?"” sy sya) NU Ny n lng ns We Sus i {a uy, is R vel ff * Y ses ae a 3 . a AS BAD AS EVER. : Joe Peasty—' How's yer boy Albert gittin’ on down tew th’ city?" Uncte Ezea—"' Oh, Al's jes. th’ same harum-scarum. | did hope when he give up bein’ a cowboy in Dakoty an’ went-east fer tew study in thet art-school thet he'd behave hisself."" Joe Peasty—* Whut's th’ boy up tew now?" Uncte Ezra—"'Oh, th’ blame rascal writes thet he’s goin’ tew serve on a hangin’ committee.” A MOURNFUL FINISH. HERE was excitement in the hen-house. The turkey on the top roost gobbled himself hoarse with frenzy, and every other hen in the establishment cackled like a punctured tire. “Young Fatten Flufly was monkeying around in the yard,” exclaimed the messenger who had just arrived, “and met the boss with a large hatchet.” “And how did he behave himself?" asked the flurried chorus. “Oh,” said the messenger, “he lost his head completely.” ‘THE DIFFERENCE. HEN Mary is dressed all in her best The youngsters say she’s dressed to kill; But a turkey is best when killed to be dressed, And that’s saying stranger stil, WHERE HIS MIND WAS. Professor Knowitt —" Wil- liam, please give me a sentence showing the difference in meaning between sufficient and enough.” William—“ To-morrow I'll have sufficient turkey, but I won't have enough.” TRULY THANKFUL. HE creature who is thankfulest And finds the world most bright Is that old turkey who may press The roost Thanksgiving night. First boy—* We had the min- ister for dinner yesterday.” Second boy—" We had a tur- Bronco But— Bettcher life! Th’ boys chipped in nearly four dollars fer his wicder."” key.” comicbooks.com