Judge, 1902-10-04 · page 8 of 20
Judge — October 4, 1902 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects humorous short pieces typical of Judge magazine's satirical approach to American life: **"A Blast from Blastville"** mocks excessive complaining about taxes—a perennial complaint portrayed as futile griping that accomplishes nothing. **"A Perfect Substitute"** satirizes fraudulent advertising: a grocer repackages unsellable dog biscuits as "health food," critiquing both commercial dishonesty and gullible consumers. **"The Worst Has Come"** jokes that even a pirate cannot scuttle his ship due to coal strikes, suggesting labor disruptions affect everyone—likely referencing early 1900s coal labor conflicts. **"Just Like a Woman"** stereotypes women as indecisive; a farmer's wife cannot decide when to take the trolley, frustrating his logistics. **"A Strong Bill"** satirizes lowbrow lecture circuits: a lyceum manager boasts of booking sensational speakers (missionaries, reformed gamblers, trained animals, film machines) rather than serious intellectuals, mocking popular entertainment masquerading as culture. **Remaining items** include observations on school fractions and reputations, mice stealing flowers, and a child's misunderstanding of "religion" as clothing—standard domestic humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A BLAST FROM BLASTVILLE. HESE taxes, oh, these taxes! they chill my rosy glee. I hammer on my wish-bone and murmur “Woe is me!” I murmur and I murmur while whirling in a stew, Bat that won't change the figures that knock my joy askew. With direst thoughts I'm surging ; my peace of mind has fled. Though standing on my pedals, I'm standing on my head And howling at these taxes that on the scene appear To simply knock me silly, like Christmas, once a year. A PERFECT SUBSTITUTE. Cobwigger—“ How did you get rid of all that dog- biscuit you couldn't sell ?" Grocer— Put it up into packages and advertised it as a health-food. THE WORST HAS COME. | +4 OWING to the coal strike,” said the pirate captain, « we shall not be JUST LIKE A WOMAN. \ able to scuttle ship.” Strancer— How soon will the next trolley-car go by here?” P Farmer—" Maria, how soon ‘ll yew be ready tew take th’ next . \ His wire—"' Jes’ ten minutes, Josh.”* Farmen— Then th’ next car ‘ll go by here in jes’ nine minnits, an’ thar won't be another one fer an hour.”* A STRONG BILL. “poe YOU have a good lecture course here ) during the winter?" we ask of the man- ager of the Higginsville lyceum. “Indeed we do,” he answers, “And next | season we expect to outdo all previous records. So far we have booked one ransomed missionary, one reformed gambler, one troupe of trained ani- mals, one converted heathen, one moving-picture machine, and one professional impersonator. We may take on a college professor who wants to speak about the tendency of modern literary thought, but I don't know. It’s pretty hard to | keep the course on the same high plane of thought throughout.” CONTINUES. 'N SCHOOL we find fractions exceedingly hard, | -Devote what attention we will ; And later, when we have reached manhood’s estate, ‘The better half puzzles us still. BOLD ROBBERS. Miss Meruaio—"* Heavens! what nerve those mice have! —stealing my flowers as if they were wild." YOU can patch up a poem or a reputation, but eee“ ieee ae the patches always show. WL ° : OTA Mi On | a A HADN'T REACHED HIM. * Mrs. Creany—'*Pat, jist shtep oover to Mrs. Crowley's an’ borry se her clothes-wringer, an’ git me a bit ay coal an’ a pail av wather, befoct MERCY SAKES! ye go to wurruk—there's a dear mon. Dorotny—* Say, auntie, is religion something to wear?" ink Oi'm leadin’ the shtrenuous ‘My dear, why do you ask such foolish questions ?"* + ‘Cause papa said you used your religion for a cloak.”