Judge, 1902-08-09 · page 5 of 20
Judge — August 9, 1902 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains six brief satirical sketches typical of early-20th-century American humor: 1. **"Pomologically Mixed"**: A lover's inconsistency—he calls his girlfriend both "the apple of my eye" and "a peach," contradicting himself. 2. **"The Improvement Fad"**: Satire on domestic modernization. A maid quits because her employer installed a trendy "model kitchen" from a magazine that's so poorly designed nobody can find anything in it. 3. **"The Jury Disagreed"**: A cannibal king consults his physician about stomach trouble. The doctor jokes that eating professional jurymen causes indigestion because "juries must have disagreed"—implying jurymen are inherently contentious/difficult to digest. 4. **"Worse Than That"**: A drunk husband sings loudly at 3 a.m.; his wife complains he's singing off-key, making it worse than merely coming home late. 5. **"On the Piazza"**: A young woman seeks advice about a marriage proposal from an older man, suggesting she look him up in Bradstreet's (a business credit rating guide)—implying financial security matters more than love. 6. **"Ambiguous"**: A professor's vague comment about someone leaving a musical performance creates confusion about whether he meant it was dreadful or the person left dreadfully.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
POMOLOGICALLY MIXED. (6 YOU are the apple of my eye,” as- serted the fond lover. “ How inconsist- ent you are!” replied the critical maiden. “Only yesterday you said I was a peach.” ‘THE IMPROVE. MENT FAD. Mistress—«Why didn’t you stay at your last place 2” New girl—“The missus insisted on having a model kitch- en like the one she read about in a house- hold magazine, and she discharged me because neither of us could ever find any- thing we wanted in it.” THE JURY DIs- AGREED. ‘6 POCTOR,” said the. cannibal king to his court phy- sician, “1 am fecling mighty bad this morn- ing. My stomach is all out of order.” NOT ABOVE IT. ‘Seconp-story Cattan—"* Gee! | would if | could." “Um-m-m !" mused the court physician. “ Been eating Some more of those rich foreigners 2" latch. “No,” moaned the king. “The last banquet we had was twelve At last his musical wife opens the door a men that claimed to have been professional jurymen at home.” “ For goodness sake, Henry ! be quiet. “Well,” advised the court physician, “you had better send for the key.” your attorney-general. The jury must have disagreed, and he should take charge of the case.” ‘way off zh’ key-hole, too.” AMBIGUOUS. 1g before my violin solo the other evening at Mrs, X.'s musical Proressor—' | was sorry to see you leavin ‘Sweer Youna THinc—" Yes, Wasn't It too dreadful ? Occasionally he fumbles at the door-knob and tries to work the “Worsh'n zhat, m' dear,” he informs her; “worsh'n zhat. I'm DEFINITE. SSP OESN'T she keep summer boarders?” we ask, indicating the sharp- visaged lady with the market-basket on her arm, “ Not very long,” explains our friend, who has boarded so long that he calls the dining-room flies by their first: names. ON THE PIAZZA. Ethel—“Oh, Mae! I'm in such a quandary !..Old. Mr. Roxe has proposed to me and.I don’t know whether I Tove him or not.” Mae—" Why not look him up in Brad- street ?” WORSE THAN THAT. AT THE witching hour of three a.m. the man stands before the door of his home, earnestly singing “We won't go home till morning.” ind exclaims, You are singing away off comicbooks.com