Judge, 1902-08-02 · page 6 of 16
Judge — August 2, 1902 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct satirical pieces: **"His Observation"** features Uncle Timrod dispensing folksy wisdom about human nature—money, photography, gossip, marriage, and women reformers. The humor lies in his self-aware admission that his accumulated knowledge is simultaneously vast enough to make him tedious and limited enough to be nearly useless. It's gentle social commentary on the gap between perceived and actual wisdom. **"How It Looked"** is a brief joke about a man's engagement credibility being measured by whether his tailor will extend credit—satirizing economic standing as the true indicator of marriageability. **"So Provoking"** depicts a domestic servant being questioned by her new employer about previous employment. The humor: she left because "the family come back from the shore"—suggesting her primary motivation for employment is avoiding the family's presence entirely. The bottom text snippets mock reform movements and theatrical gatekeeping, suggesting reforms haven't substantially improved society or access to opportunity.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HIS OBSERVATION. 66] HAVE noticed,” remarked old Uncle Timrod in his philoso-rheumatical way,“ that when it comes to choosing be- tween a‘ Napoleon of finance’ and an ‘honest John’ the only dead safe play is to bury your money. I have observed that the photograph that was a splendid likeness of you eight or ten years ago has, somehow, managed to change greatly since then. I have learned that it is a good plan when you think you are bright to keep it dark. Ihave figgered out that if you tell a secret to one per- son that’s one (1); if you tell it to a second that's two (2); if you tell it to another that’s one hundred and ‘leven (111). “I have also discovered that it is best to just confess your ignorance and not boast of it, and that as soon as you pay one fiddler off another be- gins to tune up; and, too, that generally the way to say the right thing at the right time is to keep still, and likewise that it ain't worth while to reprove a youth for idle mirth, for the reason that in all probability he will get married after a while and will then quit laughing on his own account. I have found out that when a woman has jawed her husband so much that she has acquired an excel- lent speaking voice she is pret- ty durned apt to turn reformer and jaw the public; that if a HOW IT LOOKED. “Do you think Clarence is really engaged to that Gotrox girl?” “Weil, I see his tailor has trusted him for another suit of clothes."* does a big fat one; that a man should always speak affection- ately to his wife b’cuz it’s just as efficacious as giving her a Present now and then and a good deal cheaper; and also that an advanced woman usu- ally treats her husband like he was only a chaperon. “All these things, and a great many more, I have learn- ed to know from observing the ways and proceedings of my feller-citizens as they have passed in review before me; but while learning to know ‘em I have also learned to know that, while what I know would fill a fair-sized book, what I don't know would fill a great number of very much bigger ones. It ‘pears that what I know is just about enough to make me a tiresome old fogy, while if T only knew all that I know I don't know I'd probably know almost enough to be able to tell one or two of these ‘ere long-necked, bulging-browed academy students a few things that they don't already know quite everything about. But that's the way things usually go in this life—repartee is the smart remark we'd have got off if we'd thought of it in time, and the wisdom we acquire by experience generally comes to us too late to be of any partic- ular value.” TOM P. MORGAN. Jasper—“ Well, reform has done one thing. It is no feller is determined to go to the dogs he ort at least to have enough longer necessary for a man to open a saloon to get into politics.” consideration for the dogs to give “em warning in time to get out of the way ; that it costs just as much to clothe a skinny little woman as it grrOrne, ZY SO PROVOKING. Lavt—“* How long were you in your last place?" Coox—" Two months." Jumpuppe—* That's so. And who knows but a day will come when a man can get a play on the stage without first writing a novel ?” Pte We at * And why did you leave?” * The fambly come back from the shore, mum.” comicbooks.com