Judge, 1902-06-07 · page 16 of 18
Judge — June 7, 1902 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This sketch satirizes the self-aggrandizing lies told by Civil War veterans. A one-legged stranger claiming to be "Colonel Perkins" enters a bar and tells increasingly absurd stories: he lost his leg at Bull Run, then at Cold Harbor, then at Antietam, then at Lookout Mountain, then at Atlanta—each time claiming "I left my leg there." The joke is that he's claimed to have lost the *same* leg at five different battles, an obvious impossibility that everyone (except the oblivious Major Murgan) notices. The townspeople's polite silence reflects the social awkwardness of catching a veteran in an obvious lie while respecting his service. This appears to mock post-Civil War veteran culture: the exaggerated battlefield tales, the social deference granted to wounded soldiers, and the performative patriotism that sometimes masked dishonesty. The story reflects genuine skepticism about inflated war narratives circulating in the 1890s-1900s.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HE LEFT HIS LEG. THE one-legged vet was a stranger, but his little bronze button gained him the respectful considera- tion of the loungers in the Grand Hotel at Bowersville and the gracious | condescension of the bar-tender. “Lose her in the war, uncle?” asked the bar-tender, jerking his thumb toward the shortened leg. “Yes, sir," answered the vet. “IT left that leg at the first battle of Bull Run.” Old Cap Peters cocked his ears at-this remark and shook hands with the stranger, telling him about how he had run from the first line of| earthworks to the capitol in Wash-| ington on that memorable day, and “reckoned he'd be a-runnin’ yit ef th’ capitol hadn't been too thick to run through. They were right in the thick of Bull Run when Major “Murgan sauntered in for his morning's nip.| He was hailed by Old Cap, who said, | Come over here, major, and meet Comrade—what is your name, comrade?" “Perkins, sir. kins. jf your dealer cannot suppl i, address the distibers mixed drinks. 190 pa bound ‘in ‘cle FERDINAND WESTHEIMER & SONS, DISTILLERS. O.or E, KY. qetecesecseceseceesees & UNITED STATES COMMISSION TO THE PARIS EXPOSITION OF 1901 CHICAGO: Audi PARIS: 20 Colonel C. P. Per- o cy 3 Seems to me," remarked Major Murgan, ‘that there was a Colonel Perkins jest to the left o’ my regi- ment at Cold Harbor.” at was me," avowed the one- legued vet. “I left my leg at Cold Harbor. The bar-tender winked suspicious- ly at Old Cap Peters, but, of course, the major knew nothing about the} ase of that wink, and he called for} some more out of the black bottle, | which was produced just as Sergeant Haskins strolled in. Introductions came at once, and Haskins re- membe: Colonel Perkins who had | led a di ¢ charge at Antietam, “Guess that was me," said the | stran, left this leg at An- tictam Everybody — except ins started slightly, but nothing was said, for General Triblett came up to them, with his arm linked in that of | J. 1 Gores Jurorinhic® | Doctor Grecn, who had been an army PLEASANT VALLEY WINE COMPANY | surgeon, i= Makers 11 1 Rheims, N.Y. | “I was just calling up old times SOLD BY ALL RESPECTABLE WINE DEALERS {8 with Doc,"” he smiled. ‘We were 9 FSSGSSSSSSSGSG9999999998 | talking about the work he had to do after the battle of Lookout Moun- tain.” ium Building ie Rapp Paris, September 22d, 1901. PLeasant VALLEY WINE Co, Rheims, N.Y. Dear Sirs:—T am i missioner-General that the Inte Exposition tructed by Come ch to inform you yal Jury of the Paris warded to your exhibit of Great Western Champagne A_GOLD MEDAL It will doubtless please you to know that this award was made upon the rec ‘ommendation of Senator Prevet, time President of the Society tation of F i i 3 i granted you, n of the merits of your exhibit. $99999999940999900900000090099000000008 | i 3 : If there is one time more than another when a woman should be alone with her thoughts it is when a passing vehicle splashes mud on her new gown.—Chicago “Lookout Mountain?" asked the one-legged vet. “I left my leg there. I remember it well.” Every one except the gencral and the doctor drew away slightly at this statement, but the stranger and the two late comers struck up an interesting talk about that and other battles, until Atlanta was mentioned, when the stranger said he had left his leg there, too. | ixcuse me,” interrupted the general, “but you just said you left it at Lookout Mountain.” “Why, so I did," asserted Col- onel Perkins. | And at Cold Harbor"—— COLORADO ure resort than ever Americans are beginning to realize that here, at home, within easy reach, is acountry more delightful than Swit zerland in scenic attractions and with pare dry climate which has the most astonishing permanent effect on the health and spirits of visitors. T wish you would send ¢oday for a copy of our book which tells all about Colorado in an interesting way. It is full of illustrations and has an excel- lent topographical map, Enclose 6 cents in postage to aken in came from the | “It may be all right supgested | the bar-tender, leaning against the jeash ri “ But cither you was a centipede, or else you was mighty careless of your facts.” THE ADIRONDACK MOUNTAINS The heart of this wonderful region of moun- tains, lakes, and streams is traversed by the New York Central, and to more fully in- form the public regarding its beauties and means of access, the Passenger Depart- ment has issued a book entitled “In the Adirondack Mountains,” describing in detail each resort, and containing also a large map in colors giving a list of hotels, camps, lakes, etc., together with their location. It has also issued a large folder, with map, entitled “The Adirondack Mountains and How To Reach Them,” giving complete information regarding stage lines, steame hotels, ete. A copy of the be stamps, oF the folder f Passenger Agent, will be sent to any a¢ on receipt of two 2-cent shouted Old Ca Peters, ‘that you are an impostor Nothing of the sort, sir,” ex- plained the one-legged vet. “I lost that leg at the first battle of Bull Run, and wore a wooden leg after- ward, but the pesky thing wasn’t fastened on good, and I'd keep losing it in the fight, and then I'd have to go back and hunt the blame ficld all over to find it. That's how I come to remember each place so well.” “It's bar-tender, in your 1 on me," announced the but I'll bet that *C. P" xe stands for Centy Pede.” id the visitor from home aciuire wealth are not the their old friends.” Mrs. Cum acquire weal one else, and y People who ave feclings the sam metimes have ying, *Humph! 1 knew them when they were as’ poor : turkey!" Washington Star, FOR VEIN] ONLY. 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