Judge, 1902-05-31 · page 4 of 16
Judge — May 31, 1902 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several unrelated satirical items typical of early 20th-century Judge magazine: **"A Distinction and a Difference"** mocks someone's use of "because" as a conjunction—a linguistic pet peeve presented as absurd reasoning. **"Judge's Favorites"** is a poem praising Elizabeth Tyree, apparently a notable figure of the era (likely theatrical or public). **"The Funds of Information"** and subsequent sections are brief humorous anecdotes about everyday situations—a waiter's excuse, a street-cleaner's job duties, a woman's excessive makeup. The cartoons show domestic/working-class scenes: children by water, an automobile accident, etc. These are general humor pieces without identifiable political figures, relying on social observation and wordplay rather than topical satire. The content reflects period attitudes toward gender, class, and propriety without specific historical references requiring explanation.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A DISTINCTION AND A DIFFERENCE. 66\JHAT,” asks my friend, who was reformed from minstrelsy, “is the difference between the manu- facturer of a ship-load of trolley-cars and the intelli- gent foreign motorman who operates the cars after they have been placed in service abroa Naturally, as I cannot answer the query, T announce that fact, also repeating his question in the most approved interlocutor form. Because,” he explains, * one makes the cargo and one makes the car go.” After simulating the hoarse boom of the bass-drum I am moved to wonder why it is that he says “ because.” THE WRONG DAY. Master—" What are you crying for?" Office-boy—" My grandmother 's dead, and she’s going to be buried on a holiday.” SAME SWEET WAY. He— "Would you treat my proposal as a joke should I ask you to marry me ?” She —"Vd return it* Declin- ed with thanks.’” JUDGE'S FAVORITES. ELIZABETH TYREE. You are a rosy-posy star That in the histrionic sky Shines tenderly, though near or far You glimmer in the public eye. When you are shining in New York Your light is felt in Buffalo: You shine on Ballywhack and Cork E’en when you rise on Pamrapo. You are a lucky light because Your star will never, never set: And e’en your picture wins applause When harnessed to a cigarette. As in a frame the public heart Holds jealously your face and fame: ‘The former is a work of art That adds new lustre to the frame. ‘THE FUNDS OF INFORMATION. said the lawyer,“ there are many things to be investigate The first in this case. thing to be looked into "— “Is my pocket-book,” assented the client with perfect assurance. TAKE EXAMPLE. Customer (at a restaurant)—" Can I see the proprietor 2" IWaiter— Very sorry, sir, but he’s just step- “short* on, and all that?” ped out to lunch.” SIZED UP. Uncte Si—" Say, mister, how many horse-power be thet air contraption ?"" Cuorty Cuawrewer—" Well, judging from the way it balks, | should say it was about five thousand mule-power.” “1 suppose she knows all about her rich old husband's stock-deals SLANG IN PUDDLEVILLE. Miss Marsu—" What—if I refuse you?” Mr. K'pLunx—" Darling, | fear there will be nothing left for me to do but ‘croak.’ ’* THE real proof of the pudding is in the state of your stomach the morning after you have eaten it. ALL SHE KNEW. just what he's ‘long’ on and “Well, | heard her remark that she thought he was ‘long’ on earth.” STRICTLY BUSINESS. 64 }YOW'S business?” asked the street-cleaner. “Oh, picking up,” replied the scavenger. * What are you nowadays Out for the replied dust, as the street- TOO MUCH COLOR. Mrs. Tittle —" Did you notice what a lot of color Miss Giddy had in her cheeks to- night?” Mrs. Tattle—" Ves ; Lwas afraid she was going to have a rush of paint to the head.” Freevnom never lose things. wo! - They put them in a safe place and then can’t recall the place. comicbooks.com