Judge — April 26, 1902 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Terms to Subscribers, UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. or numbers = weeks - ilig the CoiisTitas JubGe FOREIGN SURSCRIPTIONS—To all Westees Orrice—Henry Bright, mana fh . Iatermatiomal nine ie TOR The contents of JUDGE are protected by cop: Intringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must inclose a stamped and self-addressed envelope with all manuscripts, otherwise return of the latter when found unavailable cannot be guaranteed. ‘DRAWINGS and all contributions seat fo the Art Department should have the sender's fall ‘address written plainly on each and every separate sketch. The accompanying letter-press should in every instance be written upon its individual picture, upon a separate slip of paper. Inclosure of stamps to the full amoval of postage is also required, to insure safe and prompt return of material not accepted. ANY a sapient presidential aspirant fancies that he is playing ‘possum when he should know that ally so near unto political death that his of success is to switch around to make his purty believe that he is alive. DAY!D BENNETT HILL is at present k ing his mouth closed as tight as a drum and his eyes ais wide open asa headless barrel. His ears are also wide open and cocked at an angle of forty-five degrees, while his hands surround them like funnels that he may hear instanter that which he fancies m It is the consensus of opinion among them that think they know, that the Wolfert’s Rooster’s oft-re- Ported indifference as regards 190 is mere dis- simulation, and that if his party wants him to play the stir part in that year it will not be necessary for it to set at figure-four trap in his back yard or to throw a Lisso to capture him, y come to pass. Oh, he waits and waits and waits, While he conjures with the fates. HE TERRITORIAL boundary lines of many countries are changed so frequently as a result of war that no purchaser of an atlas has ai it will be accurate a month after he has disbursed the ducats of our dads for it. This is so good a business feature of atlas publishing, that a number of long-headed financiers are of the opinion that the publish- ers of these volumes are instrumental in bringing on many of the map- changing revolutions in South America, that a steady sale for their books: may be maintained. tae HERE IS a movement on foot at Valencia, Spain, to put a tax on all the church-bells in that romantic old town. It is not stated, aowever, that these bells are a melodious luxury that is worth the proposed tax, or that they are a source of annoyance that should be tolerated only on a strictly cash basis. Without going into. the subje ards Valencia further, we think it would be a good idea for the New York authorities to see the Spanish town and go it one better by putting a tax not only on the church bells that shatter the matutinal dream, but also on the factory-whistles. whose nerve-rending, soul-splitting shriek pierces the air with so fierce force as to cause the artisan to drop his hammer as if suddenly paralyzed and to seek swift solace in the contents of his shining dinner-pai TAM is now using American agricultural implements with results quite as alluring as those with which ance is drinking American wine and England is eating American beef. After a while Ceylon may drink Amer- ican tea raised in South Carolina, and China may delight in American rice xrown in Alabama and in American firecrackers made in Harlem. The best Irish stews are the Irish- in stews that are made in New York, and they may yet be exported in cans. After a while we may raise ostriches and elephants for Africa, breed Scotch terriers for Scotland, and purvey breakfast candles for the Russian epicure. Everything distinctly and char- acteristically American shines in foreign countries, from American yachts and American locomotives to American brains and American girls. HE VEGETARIAN should go into ecstasies over the current report that a vegetable beefsteak is about to be put upon the market, inas- much as he will now be able to eat a beefsteak that is nota beefsteak, which is what many a beef-eater does when he orders :t beefsteak in a res- taurant. The vegetarian who rejoices in the existence of vegetable ivory should delight and revel in the knowledge of the fact that the vegetable beefsteak has come. He will cherish the hope that it may become a per- manent institution, and that its dietetic star may never set. And it should also set the beef-eater adrift on an argosy of golden dreams when he re- xards it as a deliverance from the democratic porterhouse of commerce which one of an ordinarily lively imagination, harnessed to an average sense of humor, might regard euphemistically as a mineral cowhide beef steak. yew JONEL. fe A MUTUAL THOUGHT. “Gee! what a queer-lookin’ critter a frawg am! Mercy! what a queer-lookin’ monster a coon is! ‘Coon comicbooks.com