Judge — March 29, 1902 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

KD WEERLY AT THE JUDGE BUILDING, 110 PIFTIC AVENUE, NEW YORK. Terms to Subscribers. UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year, or $2 numbers - = $500 One copy, six months, of #6 numbers = 3.50 One copy, lor thirteen weeks = ss + has Including the Cumistsas Juoce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $6.00 a year. nx Orrice—Henry Bright, manager, Boyce Building, Chicago tater 7 reams building, Chancery lane, rhach's mews exchange, Mains, Germany. The contents of JUDGE are protected by copyright the United States and Great Britaia. ‘of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. and self-addressed envelope with all manuscripts, otherwise reteru of the latter whea wailable cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and. all cootribution fo the Art Departmeat should b: lainly on each and every separate sketch. The acc ¢ the sender's full anyiag joke or H, THE GOOSE within the meadow is the halcyon engulfer Of the spring-time’s twinkling grasses s she anders to and fro, And the small boy from a teaspoon gayly gulps the powdered sulphur That is mixed up with molasses, for his system, don’t you know, A DEEP, impenetrable gloom, suficient- ly depressing in its sluggish intensity to be classed asa gloom among glooms, may within a fleeting moon spread its aw- ful wings and sphinx-like spirit over all d. Let us trust that the it fault and that the augury may not be fulfilled. We refuse to believe that that which should be impossible will come to pass, and therefore refuse to re- gard seriously the report, though made on eminent authority, that the land of the Pilgrim Fathers is threatened with and is on the very brink of a spruce-gum famine, ‘HE AUDUBON SOCIETY of od Chicago town Has grandly put her ancient foot upon an ¢ down— Whoso shall rig a certain bird upon the bonnet gay May stand in line a goodly fine unto the court to pay. Hurrah for old Chi rattat-tat, For putting on the merry maid the airy, birdless hat! ‘O GIVE an idea of the manner in. which Mr. Zimmerman’s double-page cartoon anent Prince Henry’s visit was re- ceived in Los Angeles, it is only necessary to quote from the letter of an enthusiastic and appreciative resident of that faraway town of perpetual spring-lamb and straw- berries. It may not be out of place to add that this expression of praise is only simi- lar to many others that have come to this office from all parts of the land, although the letter of the Californian was the only one that contained a number of broken suspender-buttons, whose subtle meaning. will be understood by the long-headed. “Since the appearance of your double- page on Prince Henry’s visit the side- ks in front of the Los Angeles news- stands have been covered with suspender- buttons. A destitute one-lunger in the last stages asked me for a dime—said he wanted to die happy. He bought a JUDGE. The next day the undertakers. had a deuce of a time getting his face back into shape, Yours under oath, “R.K. CULVER,” 0 town, with all her Huseano. NOT A GOOD WALKER. Wire—"* We women are going to have every saloon closed up in this ward. “Woman, don't drive me too far!"* White THE CROCUS flaunts its golden beauty in the twinkling mead and the trumpet of Martius is heard on the hill, the vender belabors his noble steed with one hand and with the other holds aloft the horn upon which he discourses a melody that sounds the peerless pean of shad. Ever and anon a perfect day comes upon the earth and fills the heart of the lawn-mower dealer with the joy that bubbles in its boundless- - ness. And this dancing sunshine, that wantons in the budding larch, is an urance of the early appearance of the windflower, as well as of the coming of the ebon impresario whose symphony in whitewash adds a buoyancy to one’s spirits and entrances with its scent, which is as ethereal and elusive as that of the rain-soaked lilac, which will lure the bee as soon as the bee reports for business. And the baseball player is roused from his. winter sleep by the love-song of the bluebird and the melodious gurgle, or gargle, of the sarsaparilla whose various virtues are set forth in a poster of many colors, an understanding of whose mural mysteries constitutes a liberal art education, While the said baseball player is eliminating the theumatism from his joints and the umpire is taking time by the forelock in having a suit of armor builded and in supplying himself with an acci- dent-insurance policy, the dithyramb of the goat is heard, which means that that much-abused animal is holding aloft the beaker of Bock, whose mis- sion and whose meaning are clear to the dullest understanding. Yet the strawberry from Florida, on the verge of a congestive chill, holds the oppo- site opinion as it warbles something to the Bermuda onion anent the pro- priety of their seeking a congenial thaw in a hot Olympian punch. Maine has long been famous for her Christmas-trees, which for perfec: tion of form have never been surpassed. And she also enjoys a reputation that is anything but mean asa producer of spruce- trees, which yield a gum that is chewed . Wherever appreciation and teeth exist, and which is considered toothsome even by the toothless. But the state of jaw-break- ing Indian nomenclature seems to have eclipsed all previous triumphs through the arboreal skill and ingenuity of one of her ns, who lately scored a victory over fate which may in time cause the birch to be known as the bootjack-tree and the well- known and popular soft-drink to be called bootjack beer. The ingenious woodman referred to recently developed his idea of producing natural bootjacks into a com- mercial success that should gain for him the admiration of all the princes of finance when they are informed that he is making his farm yield two thousand bootjacks to the acre, a statement which is also enough to cause all catdom to instinctively duck and side-step. From a tract of land cov- ered with apparently worthless birches this disciple of Cincinnatus conceived the idea of growing bootjacks because of their many forks and crotches, and he carried his idea out by treating and handling the trees. in such a way as to cause them to tun to crotches. His success only goes to prove that many a thing which is seem- ingly of no practical use may be converted into cash—and it should be a source of encouragement to the man who is long on health and short on shekels to endeavor to extract a golden harvest from that which offers it not. Let such a man ever keep in mind the name and fame of this re- sourceful agriculturist, who may yet dis- cover a means of growing golf-sticks and baseball bats, and also cribbage-boards— the latter without the aid of the wood- Let him disperse his financial nshine of this. Maine man’s success, and gird up his busi- ness loins for a grand effort to go and do likewise. Two thousand bootjacks to the acre, at twenty-two cents a bootjack, is a result to conjure with, and the man who spends his time in philosophizing in the grocery would do well to abdicate the cracker-barrel of this temple of thought in favor of a wealthier brother and go into the fight with the determination of equal- ing, if not eclipsing, his agricultural mas~ ter who among his friends and neighbors has won financial immortality, and who may ere long cause Maine to be known as. ‘the Bootjack state, comicbooks.com