Judge, 1902-02-15 · page 5 of 16
Judge — February 15, 1902 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This 1901 Judge magazine page contains three satirical pieces about Boston society and relationships. **"A Boston Idyll"** mocks Brahmin Boston pretension through mock-heroic narration of a working-class man ordering pork and beans (considered a lower-class meal) at a restaurant on Sunday morning. A Beacon Hill resident—representing old-money Boston lineage ("descendants of the Mayflower")—violently ejects him. The joke satirizes both working-class ignorance of social codes and upper-class snobbery about food and propriety. **"Her Only Chance"** is a brief joke about a woman who married her husband on Earth rather than in Heaven because "there is no marrying in Heaven"—a mild theological gag about marriage in the afterlife. **"The Romantic Goat"** is sentimental verse about a lovestruck goat, likely parodying overwrought Romantic poetry popular at the time. **"The Surgeons' Valentine"** jokes about doctors who mistakenly operate on a patient, sending him home on Valentine's Day with a note reading "Opened by mistake"—wordplay on valentines being "opened."
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A BOSTON DYLL. H'st. hark! It is Saturday night in Boston, Massachusetts, and the Sacred Codfish is sound asleep on its lofty roost under the great golden dome of the State House, with its head beneath its fin. Hist, hark A raucous snore rises from the Bea- con Hill apartment of one of the de- scendants of the Mayflower and, floating out upon the circumambient atmosphere, falls to the dank, dark earth with a dull thud It is too heavy to float further. Hist, hark! Faint and far away across the Common rises the of the pur- ple morning,and the tremulous notes of welcome from a Plymouth Rock rooster vibrate up- on the mists. At this moment a soli- tary stranger in the city might be seen heading hungrily for a restaurant where meals are served at all hours He enters and take a seat at the nearest table. A waiter formally approach- es and the stranger gives him an order, eagerly Hist, hark ! A sound of blows, of hoarse shouts, of pleadings for mercy, of a ter- tific strugyle, and all is still Hist, hark! Awr ruin and desolation in human form is shoved out onto the unresponsive side- walk and falls up against a dingy green hydrant Hist, hark ! A portly and portentous _ police- man warily ad- vane from the shadows of a com- fortable doorway. He kicks the bunch of rays and peers into the door of the aurant. “What's this he inquires in a voice of author- ity. “Oh, that?" re- sponds the waiter cheerily. “That's HER ONLY CHANCE. “Why on earth did you marry him ?"" “had to marry him on earth, if I married him at all, ‘There is no marrying in wen, you know.” nothin’ but a dern chump that didn’t know no better’n not to order pork and beans for break- fast on Sunday mornin’. But I guess we've learnt him a lesson he won't fergit. And from the city, near and far, A voice ‘rose like arising Betcher het" WILLias J. Lamrrows THE ROMANTIC GOAT. "M HAPPY, said the goat, today ; Love's sun upon me shines. And just in passing let I'm full of valentines, Three score within my resy pouch, My finest. visions wake— L feel I'm on Joy's soft. est couch, A-brim with angel. cake. In fact, I'm fullof Love's sweet pai My heart beats pite aepat, ‘ Until TP view with cold With ble simply Likewise with son. nets pure, And promises [trust that Unbroken long ens dure, Oh, “love” and “dove” ul “fate and My fancies keep afloat 5 Vhey tenderly assimi And gill my goat Until 1 feet a beast of note That quite outpards the pard, And not the common canfed goat Of Malligan’s back yard. THE SURGEONS’ VALENTINE. He—You know about the doctors operating on Tom Archer for appendici- tis and discovering that their diagnosis was wrong?” ? She—"Oh, yes. Well? He— Well, they sent him home on Valentine's day with a note reading, ‘Opened by mistake." comicbooks.com