Judge — February 15, 1902 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED WEEELY AT THE JUDGE BUILDING, 110 VIVTH AVEXUE, NEW TORK. Terms to Subscribers. UNITED GTATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. S300 ‘One copy, six months, of 26 numbers ‘One copy, for thirveen weeks = “Fnclading the CnisTuAs JuDce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $6.00 a year. Wertean OrricrHlonry fright, manager, Deer Builing, Ohicare YROPEAN SALES AGRNTS International Mews vy, Bream's building, Chane London. Brentano's, atenne we Opera, Farts: Saavbach's news exchange, ery ery instance be written upon its individeal picture, of paper. Iaclosure of stamps to the full amovat of postage is al aterial not accepted. ROM Calicoon to Cresco, With light and airy grace, A rosy buckwheat fresco Adorns the urchin’s face. PEOPLE have been puzzled from time immemorial to know just why Indians paint their faces so hideously, and it begins to look as if some suburban woman’s club will take the subject up and side-track Browning and esoteric Buddhism for a while. Such a subject would make a strong picturesque background, against which these promoters of parlor-thought could wash down with Russian tea that frail and delicate temperance dainty known to the faithful as the water-wafer. They may glad the world by throwing light-on this momentous and all-absorbing subject, and it may lead to a vindication of their own practice of painting themselves and thus paying a high compliment to paint. They may tell us why the Indians can paint with impunity and never become the victims of painter's colic. It is certainly an interesting subject, and the suburban woman's club can handle it with twenty-eight-button gloves in a way that will be at once luminous and exhaustive. And at the same time they can have a gala time over the oolong and the caramels. wee WHEN the golfer and the golfress Hunt the ball that’s lost, no doubt They enjoy through all the hunting Golf-linked sweetness long drawn out. aeqcwesliewe = SCIENCE now tests one’s morals most conclusively by one’s sense of smell. We don’t know whether or not one who can smell a rat at a distance of ten feet is better morally than one who can only smell the household rodent that is two yards away. Indeed, we know nothing of the meaning of long-distance and short-distance smelling and their relations to human morals. " Science will probably let us into the subtler mysteries of this new departure and its methods and workings until we learn to dif? ferentiate the cook that appropriates the groceries and stays out all night from the one that works hard all day and is a grand specimen of musculir morality and moral muscularity, by testing their olfactory nerves on ‘any- thing from a tea-rose to a smoked herring. ces N EMINENT BERLIN SPECIALIST has just advanced a theory of starvation as a scientific cure for various disorders—a theory which may be well worthy of serious attention. With the exception of a fever, we never heard of any disorder that could be successfully starved out. Perhaps the soundness of the Berlin specialist's starvation theory may be proved, beyond all peradventure, by the fact that tramps, who are always. underfed, are, as a rule, so robust and vigorous as to lead-one to believe them to be punishing the flesh in order to live up to a high hygienic prin- ciple. These bucolic nomads would make good insurance risks even in accident companies if the latter could evade the embodiment into their pol- icies of the baleful shot-gun and bull-<dog risks. As their enforced practice of long-distance starvation makes them harder than the proverbial nails, it should go without saying that they prove the soundness of the theory of the starvation cure so conclusively as to make it eminently proper for Bos- ton to come forth from the fastnesses of her refrigerated repose and wax enthusiastic over the exploitation of this latest foreign fad. If a man af flicted with this, that, or the other thing terminating in “osis,”’ “itis,”” or anything else for that matter, could cure himself by abstaining from food, it would have a most disastrous financial affect on the homeopathic, allo- pathic, and patent schools of medicine; and a man could save money by being sick, and he would feel much happier in curing his sciatica by going without Frankfurter sausage than he would in laying down the red shekels of the realm for a vial of hydrastus canadensis. It would be toa man’s interest to be sick as often as possible in order to reduce his butcher's bills, and he would be considered on the crest of fortune’s wave when prostrated and in a position to say, “Give me not this day my daily bread.” What a blessing it would be for mankind, and what. curse for restaurants, if the German specialist's theory should be proved in practice to be conducive to health and longevity! For then a man out of employment, in order to starve himself and family into a condition of rosy rotundity, would only find it incumbent upon himself to go forth in quest of a contagious malady with which he might afflict his little ones and thus save them—for the starvation seems to be a sure cure if the starving is done consistently: Let us therefore hail it with joy and feel thankful that we can starve off apo- plexy and gout and drive dyspepsia to the wall on a diet of wind. It would also be a grand thing if there could be such a thing as a non-payment-of- rent cure, which, in connection with that of starvation, would enable many people to enjoy life far beyond the allotted span if they could only find hard-hearted and relentless landlords. RIGHT IN IT. Farmer Mevoers. Farwex Curter—"* Lord, yes! «Did yer son Josh pick up much at Yale?" He got so he could pick up a,football at forty-seven different angles.” comicbooks.com