Judge — February 1, 1902 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED WEEKLY AT THE JUDGE BUILDING, Terms to Subscribers. UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. ‘One copy, ove year, py, six months, or 2 number thieteen wee! jnclading the CMRisTstas JUDGE, in the postal union, $6.00 a year. Chicago, 10's building, Chancers lane, ‘A's mevws exchange, Mains, To Intermation avenue de descriptive letter-press should in every instance be written upon a separate slip of paper. Inclosure of stamps to the fell am to insure safe and prompt return of material not accepted. BLOODLESS SURGERY is said to be the latest scientific discovery. After a while, though, we may have bloodless blood-poisoning. THE doggie walks on his hinder feet And then on his fore feet free— From one to the other with smiles most sweet He changes incessant-lee. Like a walking-beam this bow-wow bold Proceeds with beautiful form— While his feet on the snow are waxing cold His feet in the air warm, BILL. has just been introduced into the New York legislature for the destruction of the daisy, which has been declared to be a noxious weed. This bit of news will doubtless disturb the tender sensibilities of the wsthetic poet who re it as sacrilegious for the cow to be allowed to transform this field-flower into milk. It would be still better if Assem- blyman Legget could introduce a bill for the suppression of the daisy in latter-day verse, where it has been flourishing not wisely, but too well, for many,many moons. And he might, if it is his intention to destroy noxious weeds, direct his attention to the tobaccoless cigars that are sufficiently rank to kill all the microbes in the smoker in a puff. HE snow-flake ’s pirouetting, About the garden-tree; The air’s as white as silver, The small boy ’s full of glee. He doesn’t dream that shortly, Aglow with finest wrath, He'll have to sweep and shovel The snow-drifts off the path. THE ICE TRUST refuses to be frozen out of business during the refrig- erated term, and has consequently warmed up and widened its field of usefulness by embarking in the enterprise of selling coal. The suave auto- crat who swung the tongs airily about during the dog-days will substitute the shovel and yet be quite as haughty and picturesque in all the rampant attitudes he assumed in the performance of his summer duties. He will sell coal on the street and weigh it in the presence of the consumer. In a mixed climate like this no other combination business should be more lucrative than that of coal and ice, for when we do not want one we are pretty sure to be in need of the other. We wish the combination every success, trust that its promoters may enjoy the unusual prestige of being known as ice-coal barons, and also that their craft of commerce may sail only on cold waves during the winter and hot waves throughout the summer; also that the cold y contract their expenses and the heat expand their profits, as well as their sphere of general usefulne: r HAS BEEN accidentally discovered by a woman living just outside of Philadelphia that the ordinary land-tortoise that dreams among the daisies is a much better and more reliable mouser than is the old-fashioned house-cat. While the cat springs for its quarry, after the manner of the tural tax-collector, the tortoise sits sphinx-like on the floor, with its feet folded calmly within the envelope which will some day be buttons, knife- handles and combs, and waits for the mouse to appear upon the scene. When the cat springs she not infrequently lights upon the spot where the mouse was before it side-stepped. The turtle does not spring, but merely peels its optic and fi it on its intended victim, that circles about under the hypnotic influence until it finally drifts into the jaws that await it. A new premium has thus been placed upon the fiekl-tortoi: ind when it is zed that it is at once, so to s| , SOUP, Soap, paper-cutter and mouse- trap, it must become apparent that this shell-bound er of the daisied dells is also a domestic animal of no small importance. As such it should be encouraged and developed to the end that the house may become mouse- less and the mouse houseless. Then might th cient adage be changed to When the turtle ’s away the mice may pla But the turtle would not be away; it would be on deck gathering flies from the petals of the rose-geranium in the tomato-can until fate should gather its shell to be utilized as a sugar-scoop. A PARALYZING PROVISO. Mrs. Goope—"* Will you have some turkey ?"* Fastipious Party draw de line at dese cold-storage western turkeys.” * Well, yes, lady, pervided dat de fowl wuz a boney fide York state bird. Me physician giv me strict orders to comicbooks.com