Judge, 1902-01-18 · page 6 of 16
Judge — January 18, 1902 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short satirical pieces lampooning social pretensions and foolishness: **"A Short Plunge"**: A newlywed astronomer waxes philosophical about humanity's cosmic insignificance to his bride, only to have her abruptly abandon his lecture when her new hat arrives. The joke: her immediate indifference to his intellectual musings exposes the gap between romantic ideals and domestic reality. **"His Offer/His Offense"**: A missionary warns a farmer about "the drink evil," unaware the farmer raises hops (used in beer production). The farmer then offers to invite other hoboes to create a path to the missionary's gate—implying vagrant drunks will naturally congregate there. It's anti-missionary mockery: the pious reformer is naive and hypocritical. **"A Sub-Marine"**: Appears to be a visual gag, unclear without additional context. The other items are brief social commentary on writers vs. readers, horse racing debt, and coffee for productivity—typical Judge magazine filler humor targeting middle-class absurdities.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A SHORT PLUNGE. T LAST!" tt bright, clear evening in carly spring. The were studded with glittering points of light, and in all that ud ob- The face was a hea vens vast expanse not a ch scured the atmosphere. young his aglow with enthusiasm, turned to help his bride up the steep stairs that led to the observa- tory at the top of the house. * At last,” he said, [shall be able to show astronomer, you the stars in ¢ beauty.” y stood for a moment all their prist Th Mrs. Faruer—" What will you do if | give you a meal?” and looked out into the silent Fravep Facin— night. The young bride’s face, to de front gate, mum.” evidently already impressed with the scene above them, was rapt and intent in its expression. Below them, with its faint glimmer, lay the surrounding city, its tall spires, its distant factory chimneys, rising like silent ghosts of the night. And above and beyond, illimitable, the panorama of the sky stretched, sublime in its silence The voice of the man ot science almost shook as he spoke, after a long pause, in which THE MEETING OF THE BRIDE AND THE GROOM. HIS OFFENSE. The missionary My friend, 1am afraid that you do not realize the dreadful- ness of the drink evil.” The farmer— “Why, ma’am, [ nev. er tech a drop.” The missionary —" But you raise : hops.” 2 A SUB-MARINE. HIS OFFER. I'll send so many other hobces here, mum, dat dey'll tread down a nice path fer yer from here it scemed to him as if they had left the earth and were themselves only two minds in a universe. “When we realiz “that we are in reality nothing but infinitesimal specks on a little he said, revolving pea of matter, and that around us, on y side stretchit of the imagination, are countless worlds upon worlds, into what a depth of insignificance does this plunge us! Ab, my dear, what are the things of this petty sphere ?- What are ambition, riches, life and death ; what "— His wife sta g out beyond the widest range ted, her face lighting up. “1 must go!" she cried, moving swiftly to- ward the steps. “Go?” he rep just com ae steps; ted, Why, we have only now it,” she said, half way down the but the bell rang, and my new hat has arrived.” ALMOST HERE. HE approaching when time is rapidly the writers of novels will the Then, per- haps, the readers will outnumber readers. be paid for perusing the popular books of the day. FAST HORSES. 66 ARE you still fol- lowing the races “Yes; and I'm so far behind that I can’t catch up.” ANY a man who does not drink coffee at night that he may sleep like a top would do well to drink several cupfuls in the morning to keep him wide awake and up to business snuff during the day. comicbooks.com