Judge — January 4, 1902 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

yoniaaren waste AT THE JUDGE BUILDING, Gio Fieca atamae aoe TORE: Terms to Subscribers, One copy, one year, or s2 numbers - - §: ea alone peg ema Sas cope ee peat oat poms Fe eee ivsce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $6.00 a year, i righ isnagers Roe Balti Chagas iy Brig, manater, Bo Belli. Oi Cancers nar a facemetnal meme cays Beers Contig, ener Great Britain. jaranteed. should have the sender's fell fetch. The accompanyiag 195 fo the full amount of postage is also req fo Insure sate and accepted. pt retura of material SOME INVENTIVE GENIUS has put upon the market a gas-jet for the special benefit of the bucolic visitor who looks upon the bright side of things when he blows the hotel-light out and his life in. That the inventor in question is a real philanthropist and a true friend of the disciple of Cin- cinnatus cannot be gainsaid. While appreciating this invention which en- ables the optimistic philosopher from Wayback to test his lung-power on the gas-jet without dan- ger of asphyxiation, we think the invent- or should go further XS and create a gokl- z brick that cannot be vii sold to the credu- my lous wearer of the solitaire suspender, a shell-game. that cannot be played unfairly, anda kind of sawdust that can- not be exchanged for shekels of gold and silver. These modern improve: ments would do the farmer more good and have a more salutary effect on his condition than would the horseless plow, the cowless milk, the toothless rake, and all the other new-fangled labor-saving devices put together. Labor-saving devices are to be looked upon with favor, but they are as the buckwheat-cakes of the winter before last in comparison with the life- and capital-saving devices of which we have spoken. eee OF THE MAKING of many calendars there appears to be no end, and there are all sorts and conditions of calendars. They are made to fit all spaces and to suit all human temperaments. There is the religious calendar, that roothes and cheers the old lady who wears a tidy on her head, and there is tie floral calendar, which reaches out for the sympathy of the poet who, by consulting it in January, may successfully Jay out his song and sonnet schedule many moons ahead. There is a coon-calendar, to bring Dixie home to the southerners living in the north, and there are university calendars, that are interesting to all horse and automobile doc- tors of philosophy. The insurance companies, the railroads, and the starch- factories enjoy a monopoly of the calendar no longer. Every business that is carried on for money’s and not for art’s sake is out with a calendar of good, artistic quality and in every way fit to decorate a library-wall when hung under a hornets’ nest, or to set in front of a bunch of golden-rod or a bundle of cat-tails. Then there is the birch-bark calendar, that is at once the sparring partner, the running mate and the handmaiden of the balsam pillow, on whose cover of sage silk is embroidered in gold letters: Lose yourself in pleasant dreams In the forest deep, Where the silver lily beams. And the shadows sleep. The calendar is now ripe, and the crop is not a failure. Therefore procure one, that you may not go on dating your letters 1901 for a month to come. BUY A “ JUDGE" CADDIE SUIT AND GET THE BALL WHEN IT GOES. INTO THE POND. Golfers lost so many balls in the water-hazard that we invented the above costume for caddies. THe SULTAN OF TURKEY has acquired the American corn-bread habit, and has consequently added a new joy to his rather tempestuous existence. He should now throw his chibok and rose-water to the four winds and lay in a stock of American corn-cob pipes. One of them, filled with Latakia, would enable the autocrat to fancy, while puffing away, that his debts are paid and that consequently all is quiet on the Bosphorous. FOR A NUMBER OF YEARS food has been used for many purposes other than that of alleviating and dissolving hunger. We have had food to promote‘health and longevity, and food to put on and to take off fat; and there is no end to the list of food cures that have been advertised from Dan to Beersheba, and back via China and Peru. The limit, however, of the possibilities of food as a conservator of anything and everything seems to have been reached by what is known in the advertisements as memory- food. If a food has been found that will restore or freshen one’s memory. it should certainly have a great vogue, especially among people who leave their umbrellas in restaurants and allow financial obligations to take on the infirmities of age because of forgetfulness. A defective memory is certainly a serious handicap, and all men so affected should hail with delight the food that will enable them to go through life without being compelled to have their wives tie strings around their fingers in the morning to remind them during the day of their commission to bring home a nursing-bottle or to have a piece of momie-cloth matched. Memory luncheons may in time become a fad among fashionable people, whose memory will be strengthened with every course until the impressionable society girl can tell how many times. she was engaged last summer, and also the various golf-scores she made at Newport, to be used. in the embroidery of small-talk at empty functions. She may also take this food in tablet form, to prevent her forgetting faces on the Street and cutting by mistake the grand duke in an advanced state of financial decom- position. And the astute and hawk- eyed waiter may slip a memory tab- let into the coffee of the patron, to make it impossible for that worthy to forget to anoint his chaste and gentle it with a sl ing piece of the ver whose jingle is sweetest music. cee LAD are the scientists of the Peabody mu- seum at Yale, and glad should be each member of this au- gust body to realize that their: museum is now in the enjoy- ment of an entire dromocyon vorax, which is the pre historic ancestor of the dog. The dromocyon vorax would certainly be a good thing to try on any dog-show, that each of the candidates for blue ribbons might see and know him and dream of the days of the misty past, when the dromocyon vorax fanciers gave a dromocyon vorax show them- selves, that brought out all the society people of that remote period. This prehistoric bow-wow was seventy-two inches long on a bee-line and one hundred including his curves and undulations. It will thus be seen that he would fit under a billiard-table better than under an ordinary stove. It must have been interesting to watch him ascending a stairway, inasmuch as when one-half of the dromocyon vorax w half must have been hustling up the steps. His tail was forty inches and when he wagged it it must have imperiled everything frail within the limit of its radius. If his bark was“any worse than his bite it must have been a bark to conjure with, if only for the reason that this particular dro- mocyon vorax fractured the horizontal ramus opposite the second molar, probably on the tramp, his coeval friend of the Eocene Tertiary period. He still has teeth which show how, in his palmy days, he caused the dromo- cyon vorax biscuit to disappear within himself. Yale is to be congratulated on its rare good luck in having this prehistoric canine, and the name of Professor Marsh should wear the aureole of fame as its discoverer. Great is the dromocyon vorax, and in looking him over we cannot refrain from thinking that the poet of that far-away time must have written some non- sense jingle about him—possibly something like this: There was a dro-mo-cyon vorax Who swallowed a cocktail of borax, And then sang a song That was seven miles long When the last note popped out of his thorax. comicbooks.com