Judge, 1901-12-28 · page 28 of 49
Judge — December 28, 1901 — page 28: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects Christmas-themed humor pieces typical of early 1900s satirical magazines: **"Anent Cupid"**: A whimsical poem questioning why Cupid trudges through snow delivering love when he has wings—a playful critique of romantic sentimentality. **"Expensive"/"The Poet's Christmas Presents"**: Brief jokes mocking consumerism. One quip: a wife's Christmas present costs so much because "it was a boy" (newborn expenses). The longer poem satirizes materialism by listing imaginary gifts—from pianos for annoying neighbors to jail time for rivals—reflecting middle-class financial anxieties and romantic jealousy. **"Johnny's Stocking"**: Humorous contrast between a boy's overflowing stocking of fantastical creatures (wombats, quaggas) and why he's happy: practical gifts like a smoking jacket and cigars. **"Natural Prosperity"**: A dialect joke about a Jewish merchant ("Goldstein") delaying Christmas sales until after New Year for better bargains. **"A Difference in Tastes"**: A hen and duck discussing appearance standards—mild barnyard humor. The page reflects period preoccupations: consumer excess, class anxieties, ethnic stereotyping, and domesticity.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ANENT CUPID. EK the valley to mushroom town, Like a hunter he travels o'er dike and ditch, hrough the billow of sparkling snow, And his footprints dot the snow ; Cupid with packages weighted down Is tripping un heel and toe, But, mushrooms and maidens aside, oh, why Should he freeze his feet in the snow And his coming 's awaited by many a witch When he has the pinions to up and fly ? Who's aflutter as well as aglow. Is a thing that we'd like to know. EXPENSIVE. Jaggles— How did the Christmas present his” wife gave him come to cost so much money ?” Waggles—« It was a boy.” ) HER who lives actoss the strect, ‘And plays and sings soprano ; Who drives me from my snug retreat, I'd give a dumb piano. ‘To little Johnnie, prince of imps, Whom Satan would delight in, + If he could see, I'd give a glimpse Of jail-life with a night in. ‘To jealous Tom, who thinks her false Each time they're at the dances, I'd cut him off from every waltz, And give him but the lancers. To all the bills I chance to owe (My rich aunt ‘s growing stronger) T'd give, as my exchequer 's low, ‘A chance to run on longer. To my best girl, my own sweet May, Who with my heart 's played Harry, Caingy ea And made me love her night and day, CHRISTMAS PRESENTS. I'd give a chance to may. Little Tommy Whale gets an automatic jumping-jack. ye / 'GIFT HORSES. NATURAL PROSPERITY. hy DIPEERENCE IN TASTES Cobwigger— What kind of presents do women buy their husbands at Christmas ?” Storekeeper—* Things we can't scll any other time.” The hen—«\'m rather particular about my appearance.” The duck— Are you? I'mnota bit particular about my appearance so long as I don’t ap- pearon the Tkey—" Vhy can't T haf any Christmas bresents till after New Year, fader 2" Goldstein—“ Ve must vait till de JOHNNY'S STOCKING: pargain sales, mine poy.’ , ESSENTIAL, JOHNNY'S stocking's MOST Brimming full— Mrs. Younghus- Yellow tiger, band—"I don't Brindled bull ; mind telling you Lively wombat, what bargains Wild-eyed yak, I got in your Woolly quagga, Christmas Green quackquick. presents, my dear. Candy lion, The smok- Parrot red, ing-jacket - Drum and trumpet, cost four- Cart and sled ; teen dole poner lars and cans— ; Johnny simply Ri nety ‘Thanks his stars, eight cents, and the box of cigars one dollar and six- ty-nine cents.” That's why Jobuny *s Grinning now ; Z satan am Younghusband le A Y Santa could, though —"I wish you had G Light of touch, remembered that I In one stocking smoke the cigars and ‘Squeeze so much. not the jacket.” 10 FORBIDDEN fruit grows on the mis- Uetoe. Mr. Bez—'' See here, Mr. Darning-needle. What are you swearing around here for? Can't you see there's ladies present ?” COPYRIGHT 1901 BY JUDGE COMPANY OF NEW YORK. comicbooks.com