Judge, 1901-12-28 · page 15 of 49
Judge — December 28, 1901 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate humorous pieces from Judge magazine (circa 1901): **"Santa's Dream"**: A whimsical poem about toys coming to life while Santa sleeps—the guinea pig squeals, mechanical toys dance and move. Santa wakes to a church bell and hastily departs. The humor lies in the chaos of animated playthings. **"Total Depravity"**: A darker colonial-era cartoon depicting a suspected witch in prison awaiting execution by drowning ("ducking"). The parson and jailer discuss her prayer to the wind god Boreas to freeze the river and prevent her punishment. This satirizes both superstitious witch-hunt hysteria and the absurdity of invoking pagan gods while Christian authorities execute someone. **"The Merry Old Philosopher"**: A poem about an old man trying unsuccessfully to light a match on various toys, becoming frustrated until he realizes different surfaces require different techniques. The "moral" is that some things depend on strength, others on delicate touch—a gentle life lesson presented through slapstick failure. The cartoons use whimsy and irony to comment on human folly, superstition, and the value of patience.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SANTA fell asleep All among the toys That he gives to glad Little girls and boys. Soon the merry Jap Played upon the drum, ‘And the acrobat Whirled upon his thumb. Then the guinea pig Let off sundry squeals, And the spotted calf Danced upon its wheels ; While the locomo- Tive began to toot, And the candy dog Made the monkey scoot. TOTAL DEPRAVITY. Santa heard a loud Copper-fastened knell, And he woke, and lo! "Twas a Christmas bell. Then he jumped and said, “T must out of here. Michael, hurry and Harers up the deer." Parson Goopexouch—"'Hist! 1s not that the voice of—of the witchcraft suspect, at prayer In yon prison-house ?"* . Gaover—"'In sooth, yes. To-morrow she Is to be publicly ducked at ye river and is invoking Boreas to come to-night and frustrate justice by freezing it up."” HE STRIKES @ match upon the drum. jor he would light his pipe, ‘And then he strikes it hard upon the toy nag’s:pur- ple stripe ; He strikes it on the elephant with all his main and might, And still, somehow, do as he will, that match he cannot light. Along the alligator’s -back,. sharp shingled, with a will He draws the match that will not light, his mood with joy to 6ll ; And then he rasp it on his foot and with a fiendish laugh Rails loud at fate that caused it to break suddenly in half. COP IMIGHT 1901 SY JUDGE COMPANY OF NEW YORK. ‘THE MERRY OLD PHILOSOPHER. And then it was a pleasant smile illumed this an- cient chap, “1 am a gay philosopher that wears a thinking- cap, And this red match has taught me that which now I value much— One thing depends on strength and one upon the airy touch. And then he took another match and let it gently glide From head to tail along the small toy-tiger's yellow hide, And when lit, «Ha, ha!” he said, in manner blithe and gay, And like a pasha puffed and puffed. upon his pipe away. Sackett Wihetns Litho & Pig Co New Yor comicbooks.com