Judge, 1901-11-09 · page 6 of 16
Judge — November 9, 1901 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor magazines. **"Reflections of a Spinster"** offers philosophical observations on love and marriage from a woman's perspective—likely satirizing both romantic idealism and female independence. **"It Cost Him Just Fifty Dollars"** jokes about marital deception: a husband discovers tobacco in his wife's room, assumes infidelity, but she claims she uses it for moth prevention. The humor lies in the absurd excuse and the fifty-dollar cost (possibly a divorce settlement reference). **The remaining vignettes** are brief comedy sketches: "Mrs. Scadds" mocking ostentatious wealth displays through a cheap "potato luncheon"; a messenger boy's patience with bridge construction delays; "Mackenzie" making a patriotic (though stereotypical) Scottish whisky joke; and "Power of Wealth" suggesting wealthy kleptomaniacs simply buy their way out of theft consequences. The illustrations show domestic scenes and romantic encounters typical of Judge's comedic approach to class, gender, and social pretension.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
REFLECTIONS OF A SPINSTER. OVE without con- fidence is the root of all jealousy. Almost all in- tense natures quarrel with those they adore. No man is ever hopeless who retains even one sweet illu- sion, It is only wo- man's vanity which makes her man’s in- ferior. Aman who mar- ries without love en- ters life’s costliest game. When the pres- ent becomes hateful the past seems doubly beautiful. Life's greatest blessing is to have absolute confidence in some one. Life never ceases to be sweet to the man who never ceases to be the lover. Some men are so sensitive as to induce melancholy among their associates. The cup of happiness is but a sieve which is empty when it reaches the lips. A jealous man usually says "TL hate you,” meaning “TL love you very deeply.” fu IT COST HIM JUST FIFTY DOLLARS. Mr. Justweo—"'I found this paper of tobacco in your room. What does it mean, madam ?"* Mrs. Justweo—" Why, | use it""— Mr. Justwep—" Oh, you do! Why didn’t you tell me that before marriage, madam ?” Mrs. Justweo—"Why, I didn’t suppose you would care whether I used tobacco or camphor to keep the moths from my clothes.” ‘Sne—"1 may as well telt you the truth. I love several others." He—" Then there's hope for me."" SHOCKING. s6M RS. SCADDS made a vulgar and ostentatious dis- play of wealth yester- day,” said Mrs. Dar- ley to her husband. “In what way 2” “She gave a po- tato luncheon,” PLENTY OF TIME. Messenger -boy (to workman on new t- River bridge)— Say, -boss, is this bridge done yet?" Workman— “No; it won't be done for a year yet.” Messenger-boy— “Well, lots o° time. Guess I'll wait.” HIS PATRIOTISM. Mackenzie— “Give me a Scotch- whiskey cocktail.” Bar-tender— “We have only Amer- ican * Scotch.” Mackenzie—"ANl right. Leave out the Maraschino cherry "and put in a thistle instead.” POWER OF WEALTH. Freddie —" What's a kleptomaniac, dad ?* Cobwigger—“A person who has money enough to pay for what he steals.”