Judge — November 9, 1901 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK AT TILE JUDGE BUILDING, COMNKR YIFTI AVENUK AND SIXTXENTH STREET, NEW YORK Terms to Subscribers. UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year, of s2 numbers - = One copy, six months, of 26 numbers. = One copy, for thirteen weeks =. Retuting the Cunisrauas Joocx vreign countries in the postal union, $6.00 a year. reams building, Chancery lane, jarbach’s news exchange, aims, wune de € Opera, 8 CIMCULATION LARGER THAN ANY OTHER CARTOON WEEKLY IN THE Wonto. “6B OTICE TO PUBL by copyright in both the this copyright will be promptly and v The contents of JUDGE are protected sand Great Britain. Infringement of orously prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must incioue a stamped and self-addressed envelope with all manu- actipta, otherwise return of the latter when found unavailable cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and ail other contributions sent to the Art Department should have the sender's full name and address written plainly on each and every separate sketch. The accom- panying joke or descriptive letter-press ahovid in every instance be written upon its individual picture, and NOT upon a separate slip of paper. Inclosure of stampa to the full amount of post- required, to insure safe and prompt return of material not accepted. ROKER js now so thoroughly anglicized that, to be consistent, he should don his monocle and be in the bush, attired in his puggaree and portable bath-tub, hunting the tiger. TIS SAID that care never killed a cat; yet care will be employed by the Low cohorts to kill the Tammany cat on the second Tuesday in November and leave it forever on the ash-heap of obliquity. 'HE EDUCATION of the negro in the south is as much to be encouraged as the lynching of the choco- late blonde is to be condemned. He takes kindly to the curricula of learning, and before a great while the uni- versal verdict will be that in his hands the pen is mightier than the razor. cee HERE ARE two good, old-fashioned institutions that should be taken from the dusty shelf of time and speed- ily revived to form a combination for the benefit of society and the terrorization of the anarchist, and they are the whipping-post and the ducking-stool—the former to make him tingle, the latter to hurt his feelings and false pride beyond repair. SNAKE SERUM has just been invented in Paris by Dr. Calmette. A hypodermic injection of this mixture into a patient suffering with d. t. is said to give him the power to charm the snakes of his imagination and to render them harmless and likewise congenial companions. This serum ought to prove an excellent ingredient to add to the formula of that unique concoction known as the Tammany campaign cocktail. Although the snakes were banished from Irish soil long, long ago, we haven't been informed, up to going to pres: it they were ever eliminated from the visions which the Irishman, in common with all others, is subject to when he has been drinking not wisely, but too often and too much—especially during a campaign, It would also be a great blessing to mankind if Dr. Calmette would go further in his experiments in this direction and invent a Tammany serum which would, upon being injected into a Tammanyite, cure him forever of the dire disease of Tammanyism. If the doctor chooses. to work on this suggestion, he is quite as certain of achieving an unquali- as he is of Pasteurizing himself forever in the good graces of For the only Indian that can be good, with the solitary exception of the dead Indian, is the Tammany Indian when he is thoroughly unTam- manied, which change, aside from the natural shock incident thereto, would simply be his political as well as his all-round apotheosis. W bi Sin / Ny: A PROUD MOTHER. Dr. Wavoown Jackson—"' "Peers to me laik de boy dun got acute indegeshui Aunt Lucy (smiling through her tears)—"* Dat's it, doctah! [TIS DIFFICULT to imagine how far the innovation of postage-stamp . illustration is to be carried. The latest stamp is emblazoned with an au- tomobil This departure may be followed by others setting forth with unswerving all-round fidelity the latest mowing-machine, printing-press, typewriter, lawn-mower, hot-air furnace, grand piano, stationary wash-tub, and what not? For the sake of consistency and verisimilitude it may not be too cruel and unfeeling to suggest to the postal authorities that a good thing to picture on the next special-delivery stamp would be a colonial stage-coach. eee HICAGO is said to be on the eve of a stove-pipe famine. hoped that the rumor is without foundation, and also that if such a thing as an occasional stove-pipe famine becomes a possibility, that some inventive genius will put a pipeless stove on the market beside which one may have pipeless dreams, A stove without a pipe is about as useful as a pipe without a stove. Separate the two, and the person owning either, but not both, cannot build a fire, and is therefore in a position to look upon coal as superfluous, which, from a standpoint of strict economy, should warm the cockles of his heart and cause him to perform a saraband of joy ‘on the spot. Let us trust that the rumor is made wholly of the wind that comes off the lake to burst the buckwheat cake into blossom, and that Chicago may not be swamped b stove-pipe famine, but, unsullied and serene, may continue on her triumphant way, happy in the realization of her achievements and proud in her peerless propaganda of park. THAT FLAMBOYANT INCARNATION of the rattlesnake, euphemi tically known as Herr Most, has succeeded in getting his beer-built rotundity entangled in the meshes of the law once more, and as a result of his folly he languishes in the bosom of the stone quarry, grunting and sweating under the weight of the swinging hammer, which, with his pov- erty of imagination, he cannot fancy for a moment is a golf-stick. He capers in the arcadian precincts of his pres- ent abiding place, and sounds the loud tim- brel of his frenzied sorrow, while gazing in his mind’s eye athwart the bitter past and marveling of that most elusive and puz- zling quality in man’s make-up known to him as the beer of human kindness. He dreams of the free-lunch coun- ter in the purlieus of the town, and scents the lilac sausage from afar. The pretzel coils itself on the divan of his appetite, and he notes through the por- tieres of the autumn haze the antique flagon fairly foaming at the mouth. He eats his olden speeches to keep him warm, and thereby fills himself with the spirit of discontent that he would disseminate in others. His thoughts are pin-wheels spinning in his head, and while they spin and he toils not more than he can help, they emit fishes of fire that wriggle and dart into the sea of imaginary beer that is the vision of this rampant maniac. His liberty has been cut short like his hair, and the ornate whiskers have fall- en, brilliantine and all, beneath the relentless tonsorial sword of justice until the neighboring winds, to borrow an antique phrase, yearn for some- thing to blow through. He still drops his dynamite-coated imitation pearls of wisdom about as frequently as Mr. Croker, since his return from Wan- tage, drops his h’s; but they are wasted upon the unappreciative hearers who, in the dull fire of his rancid eye, cannot applaud him with a tattoo of beer-mugs, punctuated with expletives unfit for publication hoped that he may be worked hard from morning until nigl terrapin and nesselrode pudding may be those of the imagination and not those of commerce. And let us further trust that his work may be of a character calculated to rob him of his superfluous flesh and voice until the latter meets the acoustical arrangements of the tank in which he finds that And let us trust further that, when he has J three meals a day for a reasonable length of time, he will feel so much like a millionaire that he will have a lightning change of heart and become non-explosive, and, after his release, gather his factions together for the purpose of reading them a lecture in the form of a palinode embroered with the wholesome sentiment and philosophy common among all decent people, the rich and the poor alike. It is to be ww Wok S ney Dat boy, sick er well, dun eb'ryt'ing cute.”