Judge — October 26, 1901 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED ONCE 4 WEEK AT THE JUDGE BUILDING. Terms to Subscribers. UNITED STATES AMD CANADA 1 ADVANCE. ‘One copy, one year, orgs numbers - $5.00 One copy, six months, or 26 numbers - 2.50 One copy, for thirteen rare 3 [nclading the Cusistmas June FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS — To all foreign countries in the postal union, $6.00 Wasrann Ornice—H. Bunoraam satas-acuwrs E.C., London; Brentane's, ave Germany. CORNER FIFTH AVENUE AND SIXTEENTH STREET, NEW YORK. building, Chicago. net company. Bi building, Chancery lane, “Saarback's mews exchange, Mains, (27 Circulation larger than any other cartoon weekly In the world. £- NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Juooe are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. OO PPPEEaQRPPEaEPEOEIO™Owrr—™" CONTRIBUTORS must taclose a stamped and self-addressed envelope with all manuscripts, otherwise retura of the latter when found unavailable cannot be guar- anteed. DRAWINGS and all other coatributioas ‘Art Department should have the sender’ », and NOT upon a separate silp of paper. stamps to the full amount of postage Is also required, to lasure safe and prompt return of material not accepted. SARTORIALLY and athletically speaking, nine tailors may make a man, but nine Giants cannot make a pennant-winner. THE SECRET of most of our up-to-date optimism is based largely upon the possessor’s ability to draw cheques and corks simultaneously and at will. Now. THAT ELEC- TIONS are being ‘held in various parts ; of the country, and bets are being laid here and there and everywhere, it would be well to speak of the man who is truly happy over a dead-sure golden prospect as being as glad as a hatter. see ZOGCOSZ has been rightly called a pes- tiferous puzzle. He seems ito defy analysis in his stolid, sphinx-lke mogds, As welLas in, his Moments of mental’ disintegration, when he, so to speak, scat- ters and drifts away trom himselt, He soars'so high as a hionstrous mystery v7, and as a mysterious mon- Strosity that he is quite as \ much alone in a crowd as in the iron tank where he awaits the time set tor him. to enter into business relations with the button. Ethically considered as a monstrosity, he beats the held in straight heats, to borrow a race- track phrase calculated: to indicate absolute pre-eminence. As a mys- tery of mysteries he is simply a human * Frankturter,” such as hides its presence within the burnished bun pecuhar to Brighton Beach. Although he lives in so-called triumph against the tide of popular con. demnation, it is still the consensus of opinion that he will fail in the tussle of his career when he attempts to buck the electric current on the twenty-eighth instant. eee THE ROBIN south is flying, the chestnut gayly drops ; The piggiwig 1s frying, the papcorn blithely pops. The farmer throws the duckwheat, the gobbler 's waxing big, Ard on the board the * buckwheat” performs its finest jig. ji | A COMPLAINT FROM BUGVILLE. Farmer Buc—"'Hi, there! get away from th’: hay. You've just ruined my crop this year by your nest-bullding.” A GRATUITOUS SUGGESTION. AS THE COLLEGE STUDENT of to-day is so favorably known by his prowess in and on the flowery field of athletics, it seems only fair to conclude that his ability in this direction is largely the result of the mental gymnastics he undergoes in successfully coping with Casar and the Sabine Farmer, that never allowed the Tiber to enter into friendly business relations with the Hippocrene of the freckled beeve. Doubtless his knowledge of mathematics enables him to make all sorts of calculations and mental charts on diamond and on gridiron, as it might on an ordinary battle-field. And if his studies help him in ath- letics, nis athletics must help him in his studies. Therefore it seems that the faculty of any seat of learning, from Harvard to Leland Stan- ford, and from William and Mary to Isaac and Rebecca (which latter may sometime be another title for Columbia), might confer Olympian hoods on the brightest stars of the muscular firmament. Then we should have D,F.’s — Doctors of Football ; B.L.'s — Bachelors of La Crosse ; while the co-eds might make their foremost female exponents of sport bonnet-happy with D.C.'s—Doctors of Croqnet ; B.G.’s—Bach- clors, or Spinsters, of Golf; and M.T.s — Masters, or Mistresses, of Tennis. This departure would give college athletics the stimulus it needs and put it upon a much higher intellectual plane than that on which it now. stands. ‘THE SPRINGFIELD SPHINX. THE SPRINGFIELD REPUBLICAN, commenting upon the general style of humor that characterizes JUDGE, rather puzzles us to decide whether or not the omniscient editor of this ancient sheet is suf- fering {rom a lack of refined appreciation as to what constitutes deli- cate fun, or is simply on his mental beam-ends and sadly in need of a good old-fashioned dose of something to put him on good terms with himself, JUDGE may not always be quite so bizarre and rococo as the Re- publican would have him. On the other hand, the Repudlican is not always quite so serious as it should be—in fact, it would be a gross and superfluous exaggera- tion of the truth to say that it is serious at all save in the sense that a stuffed elephant is serious. Yet if it is not fre: quently serious it is, as a matter of refrig- erated fact, usually tedi- ous and tiresome. While the Republican at present seems to be a case of Phila- delphia Ledger with Even- ing Post complications, its astute chief appears to be humped out of all human semblance by a spontaneous and imperial grouch that warps his sense of appreci- ation and wraps him in an artificial self-sufficiency that makes him, so to speak, an Arabian Night unto himself. He is certainly in a most unhappy frame of mind, and we fancy that, even as he is not satisfied with the humor of JUDGE, so may he go even further and in time become dissatisfied with himselt, which is a consummation devoutly to be unwished. Is he cynical or blasé, or both ? tion ? Gass DIAN, ow Or is it just plain, conventional indiges- The only charitable conclusion we can arrive at is that he is perturbed and at odds with himself. He should therefore lose no valu- able time in parleying with fate and finding fault with JUDGE, but should hie him to a pharmacy and whirl himself gracefully around a good stiff calomel cocktail that would clear his mind, his vision and his liver at one fell drink. Then would he become the possessor of a sense of humor that would cause him to lie awake awaiting the appear- ance of JUDGE, and so equip and fortify him for the work of making his own paper, that the latter might in time come to be regarded as a serious proposition, and also as something more than a sovereign rem: edy for the kind of insomnia that cannat be reached by drugs, comicbooks.com