Judge, 1901-10-19 · page 7 of 16
Judge — October 19, 1901 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from the satirical magazine *Judge* contains several short humorous pieces typical of late 19th/early 20th-century American humor: **"Too Swift for Them"** jokes about modern technology's pace—an elopement by automobile is outpaced by the father's flying machine, satirizing rapid technological change. **"The Boy's Future"** mocks the medical profession's low success rate, suggesting a failed doctor can always become a pulp novelist—commentary on both medicine and the proliferation of popular magazines. **"Jigtime Thoughts"** and **"An Aureated Toot"** are sentimental nature poems, likely parodying overwrought Romantic poetry popular at the time. **"Not Prepared"** depicts Satan rejecting an anarchist assassin, reflecting contemporary anxieties about anarchist violence and assassination. **"Reflections of a Spinster"** offers cynical observations about love and women's limited life choices—typical period misogyny packaged as philosophy. Other pieces mock breakfast cereals, medical incompetence, and social pretension. The overall tone reflects period attitudes toward technology, gender, and class.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
TOO SWIFT FOR THEM, oe ELOPED in an automobile, did they?” “Yes; but it was nouse. The old man had a flying-machine.” — THE BOY’S FUTURE. Smith—* What will you make of your son?” Brown—" A doctor.” Smith—" Does he lean toward medicine?” Brown— Not particularly.” Smith—" Then why are you go- ing to start him at that?” 1, Mi Bridget tries on her mistress’s new ball-dress without los- ing any time in her housework. Brown —" Be- cause it gives him two chances of a livelihood.” Smith—"1 do not understand you. How does it give him two chances?” Brown—'Why, simply in this way: if he fails as a doc- tor he can still make money at writing novels for the big magazines.” ul SSSA HIS SPECIALTY. “Will your little brother sing a song for a penny?” Naw; but he'll trow a fit fer a nickel.” JIGTIME THOUGHTS, WHILE the happy song-birds Southward caracole, And the short and long birds Bob on branch and pole; While the thin and fat birds Teeter on the twig, And the wrens and ¢atbirds On the zephyr jig, And the mellow pumpkin Wakes the wistful sigh Of the pensive bumpkin With its moon of pie, Hear our chanson stellar, Full of verve and soul, “In the ham-hung cellar Dreams the winter coal !" THERE ARE OTHERS. “ Have you tried any of our Excelsior Breakfast Food?" “Yes. ‘It tastes like it.” ** Like what?” ** Excelsior.” NOT PREPARED. SaTAN—" Who is he?" Guarb—"*An anarchist assassin.” SaTAN—"* Hang a stone to bis neck, then throw him into the lake of boiling brim- stone, and keep him there till I can think of a punishment severe enough to fit the crime.”” REFLECTIONS OF A SPINSTER. LOVE ceases with the first symptom of indifference. Nothing is sadder or sweeter than the memory of a past love. To love and then to forget is the every- day comedy of the world. The defects of a woman often charm a man more than her virtues. To accept the in- evitable cheerfully is a woman's true founda- tion of happiness. There 1s no mid- dle ground with a true, sensitive woman; she gives all or nothing. YADA AGHKW, DUBIOUS. Quericus—" Is he out of dange Gynicus—"Oh, no. The doctors are still treatirig him.” AN AUREATED TOOT. THE rosy pumpkin 's flaunting Its banner far and near ; The lily's spirit ’s haunting The bosom of the weir. And while the small boy's jumping To pluck the purple plum, Oh, hear the partridge thumping The stomach off his drum! Through nature's fine propulsion ‘The summer ’s hustled by. And fall sa grand emulsion Of chestnuts, jam and pie. INDIGENOUS. fgger—" How does that Boston girl address you?” Merritt—" She uses syno- HIS COSTU Epitu—" That is my first male ancestor.”” Percy: ‘Ah, taken in masquerade costume, I see.” comicbooks.com