Judge — October 5, 1901 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

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There are many cough remedies on the market, but Dr. Bull's Cough Syrup is the best. ** What is the key to success?” ity to make people pay.” ** Pay for what they get?’ ‘No; pay for what you tell them they are getting."—CAtcago Post. “The abil- Asan appetizer and general tonic, mix quar- ter wine-glass Dr. Siegert’s Angostura Bitters, fill with iced water, add teaspoonful sugar. Bad lives am like pipe-stems—hollow, foul, an’ easily wrecked.—drkansazw Thomas Cat. i Top Notch Standard 10 Year Old Hunter Baltimore Rye The purest and most perfect whiskey made for MEN and WOMEN Health and Hospitality Cheer and Comfort A High-class Satirical Monthly. Illustrated by the best-known artists and caricaturists, and ' contributed to by our brightest writers. A MAGAZINE OF SOCIETY, the first edition of which was completely sold out three days after :publication. QUALITY is sold by all first-class booksellers, and is to be “found at your hotel or at all important railway stations. i 4 PRICE, 10 CENTS PER COPY. ; i i ; ; DON'T want no millions, An’ I don't want overly ease, I'm willin t' chore a leetle bit, I ain't very hard t’ please ; I don’t hunt no puddin’, 1 don't chase no pie ; In de jossle o' life I dodges de strife ; I'm satisfied jess t’ get by. ss] ]T'S a gud thing thet th’ ‘Onerable Jamesy Jifferys are be this soide o” th’ wather an’ not beyant th’ saze in th’ Orryint thim days,” remarked Mr. Hinnigan as he puffed reflectively upon a discolored corncob that wheezed and purred like a ket- tle preparing to boil, and emitted clouds of vapor as fragrant.as the fumes of a burning carpet. His remarks were addressed to Mr. Flinnigan, who was engaged in patiently masticating more than his share of sweet- ened twist, and with a somewhat non-com- mital air merely asked * Whoy?” After a studied expression of mingled disgust and.weariness, and the removal of his pipe to prevent the interruption of his 3 | discourse, Mr. Hinnigan continued : “ Becuz th’ shpoortin’ blood .o’ th’ Chinaze hev riz, n’ thim boxers is makin’ th’ ardinary proize- ring look loike anythin’ bechune foive cints’ worth 0° dahg-mate an’ a bo-gus ‘hinaze boxers?” queried Mr. Flinni- 8 Kin th’ Chinaze handle th’ mits? Oi niver hurd thot th’ haythins iver did anny- thin’ excipt curthesy t' ithols thot look loike limburger-chaze-san‘wich drames, _barrin’ expectoratin’ on th’ shirts o° gud Amiricans at tin cints ache.” “ An’ didn’t yez2” rejoined Mr. Hinni- gan, not without a sarcastic inflection. * Well, don’t go over, thot's all.” After the corncob had rendered the opening bars of | The Harp That Once——" and Mr. Hin- PICKIN’ WAY down there upon th’ crick, ‘There's a plum patch mighty thick. All you have to do is take Gunnysacks an’ go an’ shake ‘Them there trees an’, let me say, Tt will take you all th’ day For to gather up,that fruit— Backaches, yes, an’ more to boot ; What's th’ diffrunce, land alive ! Re-wards come to them that strive. WILLIE WEARY'S PHILOSOPHY. I don’t want no sweetheart, "Cause I had one long ago Who gimme de mitt fer anudder She sed wuzn't quite so slow, I don't want no collars ; Fer style 1'll nary sigh ; Gimme any old thing Dat'll comfort bring ; I'm satisfied jess t’ get by. I don't want no snow-shoes ; De summer ‘Il do for me, Wid a line an’ hook an’ jumpin’ brook Under a mulberry tree. I don’t want no offis ; Fer fame 1'll nary die ; You jess gimme a song, An’ Vil hump along ; I'm satisfied jess t’ get by. RDWARD CORBETT. HINNIGAN’S VIEW OF THE CRISIS. By La Monte Watdren. nigan had laid it aside again, he continued : * Yez hov hurd o' Chinay, Oi shuppose ?” * Yis,"" retorted. Flinnigan, somewhat defiantly. “Gud!” said Mr. Hinnigan, as though he were complimenting a small boy for his aptitude in geography.“ Well, thim Chi- naze is wonderful gymniasts—in fact, they're great atheletes. Of th’ twinty-foor billions 0’ haythen now occupyin’ th’ impire, nearly noine millions is poogilists called boxers. ‘Th’ Markis 0’ Quanesbury, who was a great philianthropist, were led t’ make his cili- brated rules be thish fact. “ Howiver, thot’s nayther he-ar nor ilse- where. Thim Chinaze boxers, fearin’ thot barbers will be impoorted in large numbers, hov shtarted int’ clane out th’ Orryint. Sup- plied wid large gloves, filled wid pavin’- shtones, an’ undher th’ lade o' th’ impriss, whose name be Dogeageer, they hov shtruck roight an’ lift, an’ they hov hit hard. “ Th’ powers has counted tin repatedly, but th’ divils won't quit. Giv' th’ pig-tailed poogilist a Kraggety-Georgesson goon, or a pike or a club, an’ his respict fer th’ Quanesbury rules sazes immajetly. Hell clinch, boite, gouge, or hit below th’ bilt, rifferee or no rifferee. “In this intynational slooging-match we hov befor us he’s actin’ disgraceful, an Oi wudn't be soorproised if th’ allied au- jence, angered beyant hooman indoorance, shud jump th’ ropes an’ bate him t’ dith. PLUMS. ‘Take th’ winter long an’ cold— There's plum butter fine as gold, An’ plum pie, an’ you please pass, Right this way, that tarty sass ; Plum perserves, an’, like enuff, Thain’t menshuned half th’ stuff You kin make if you jes’ take Gunnysacks an’ go an’ shake ‘Them there trees, a-growin’ thick In’that plum patch on th’ erick. ROBEXT V, CARE, A WEAK DENIAL. 4s JULIUS,” said Mrs. Caesar to her illustrious husband at breakfast, “ where were you last night “At the Forum, my love, attending a mass-meeting of the Tribunes,” responded Juhus unblushingly. “Indeed!” she retorted.“ Well, I suspect you were drinkin: “ Would I were like Caesar's wife,” he sighed. “ And how is that, pray?’! she asked, for Mrs; Cesar was not a close reader of history. * Above suspicion, my love, mentary bow. responded the wily Julius, with a courtly and com comicbooks.com eas tio