Judge, 1901-10-05 · page 10 of 16
Judge — October 5, 1901 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces targeting late-19th/early-20th-century American society: **"Only Two"** is a sentimental poem about romantic love narrowing one's worldview. **"'Twould Be a Good Move"** satirizes American heiresses marrying foreign nobility for titles. The joke suggests registering "patents of nobility" at the patent office—mocking the transactional nature of these marriages and American fascination with European aristocratic credentials. **"A Mercenary Beauty"** directly targets the same phenomenon: a woman willing to marry a coal baron solely for his title, treating marriage as a financial transaction. **"A Browning Poem"** parodies the obscure, overwrought style of poet Robert Browning, with absurd imagery and forced rhymes—contemporary literary satire poking fun at Browning's notoriously difficult work. The remaining pieces are light domestic humor about rural economy, vacation vanity, and household tasks—typical Judge fare mocking middle-class life and gender roles of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ONLY TWO. HE single-blessed citizen Is often heard to say The world is pretty full of men For him to-day. But let Love cross the crowded __ sill, Then scems as if there were Two only in the Garden still— Himself and her! MARY A. MASON. ‘'TWOULD BE A GOOD MOVE. Jiggers—" | understand that there is going to be a inatrimonial end hitched on to the patent office.” Wiggers—" What for?” Jtegers —" So that the various patents of nobility may be registered for the benefit of American heir- esses.” DRAWING ON COPPER. HER DEBUT IN UPROAR. Smith —"\ hear your friend, Mme. Sans Pére, has made her début as an opera singer. 1s she a success >” Z ieee Smythe—* Yes ; a howling so : success.” . A CASE OF RURAL ECON- omy. Suspenders cost twenty-five cents a pair in Pluggsville, but whiskers grow for nothing. NOTHING IN COM- PARISON Mrs, Newcomb (all worn out, to lady caller) —" "Tis so de- lightful to have a rest!” Caller —"\ s'pose you've finished canning for winter use, made your year’s pickles, got through with the fall cleaning. made up a stock of bedding, and "—— Mrs, Newcomb (interrupt AP AND SWELL. . ing)—* No; I'm just home from “Great scheme! If I can't go to the seashore, I'll get “Ves, girls we had a great time at Newport, yachting. ™Y Summer vacation my tan in town.” f swimming and golfing. Just lock at that coat of tan A MERCENARY BEAUTY. A BROWNING POEM. Dolly—"" Would you marry a title 2” | SEE the apples hanging on their ripe stems Madge —"1 wouldn't mind one of Which are as brittle even as clay-pipe stems those Coal Barons.” Yea or as fragile agile teeter snipe stems. Upon this tree so richly swathed in moonlight As accurately do I see the coon light Athwart the hen as if ‘twere golden noon light. I see across the field depart that slouch safe And dream of him a-dreaming on his couch safe The roasted hen digesting in his pouch safe. Ab he’s as happy as an uncaged free bird Be it a she bird even or a he bird Be it a purple land bird or a sea bird. I dance for joy which makes my trowsers rip so That all my footfalls as I trip and skip so Fast are as oar strokes of divine Calypso. I dream no more of Ethiop or spring chick,— (Which latter is of all sweet chicks the king chick, And which the farmer thinks the great big thing chick), But sit and write this in the rhyme and rhythm Of dear old Robert Browning, joy be with him And may Fame cenotaph and monolith him. This is my song, and to the front I shove it, Each syllable's a pearl, that's why I love it. That's all in all, moreover and what of it? Rok MUNKETTRICK, A “STUNT.” “* Say, old lady, you may be able to spin as well can, but I'll wager you can't hang on your thread like “A FELT SLIPPER.” comicbooks.com