Judge, 1901-09-21 · page 5 of 22
Judge — September 21, 1901 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"The Climax"** jokes that kissing a Boston girl is colder than arctic exploration—reflecting a stereotype of Boston women as frigid or unromantic. **"A Big Concession"** mocks married life: a wife demands an automobile, refuses to speak for days, then accepts a cheaper "automobile coat" (car-themed clothing) as compromise—satirizing both female materialism and marital negotiation. **"Her Return"** is sentimental poetry about a woman returning from "the Springs" (a spa resort), celebrated as the highlight of the narrator's life—gently mocking both romantic excess and the social conventions of wealthy leisure travel. **"Almost a Horseless Carriage"** uses dialect humor (representing African American speech) about a horse responding to the factory dinner whistle. **The census joke** stereotypes Jewish families as large ("counts noses"). **"How It Looked"** makes a fishing/romance pun: a woman who promised to write is "probably caught a gold-fish" and no longer needs the "sucker." The humor relies on dated stereotypes and period-specific social references now requiring explanation.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
CLIMAX. THE arctic explorer stood aghast. He now felt the deadly, incalculable cold of plan- ctary space, the immeasurable frigidity of the outer planets, the asteroids, the eternal ether. His ) blood froze within his veins; his breath froze as it left his pallid lips; the very marrow within his bones congealed and burst its calceous barriers. He had just kissed a Boston girl! A BIG CONCESSION. Crawford —"1 hear your wife insisted on your getting her an automobile.” Crabshaw—" Yes; but after refusing to speak to me for three days she was willing to Z Za == 2 SE TEI Eko Hen Gan tn mre ALL UP. SAM—" Would youse like ter hab yo'r piller an’ chair brought up, Mistah Skeezicks?” ‘Mr. Skeezicxs (in agony)—"* Never mind, Sam. As long as they have not come up yet, let ‘em stay down. I must have something on my stomach, you know.” HER RETURN. GHE was absent, they say, but a month and a day. Ah me! but it seemed like a year, For the heavens hung gray while the weeks wore away, And all of the landscape was drear. But now comes a gush from the throat of the thrush, More blithely the bobolink sings ; All the skies are a-flush with a roseate blush, Since Marjorie 's back from the Springs. compromise if I bought her an automobile-coat.”” She had suitors galore, by the dozens and score, As she loitered by lakeside and sea; But the season is o'er, and from summit and shore She has fluttered back home—and to me! And that's why each night brings a dream of delight, And that's why the hours have wings; For now I am quite the best thing that's in sight, Since Marjorie 's back from the Springs. ALMOST A HORSELESS CARRIAGE. SEE “* Hol’ on tight, Sammy—hol’ on ter Pauline! She's heerd dat diiner-whistle ober dar ter de factory, an’ she’s gwine ter scoot fer home. If she gits away from der wagin WHEN the census-taker goes into a Jewish neighborhood he T'll hab ter walk a mile on dese tender leetle feet ob mine, an’ I can’t stand it.” simply counts noses. HOW IT LOOKED. Cunsatiz—* She promised ter drop me a line, but I hain’t heard from ‘er since.” Cnonxiz— She's probably caught a gold-fish an’ hez no more use fer suckers.” comicbooks.com