Judge, 1901-09-07 · page 8 of 20
Judge — September 7, 1901 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"Expected"** mocks Irish-American political corruption, with characters discussing Mike Dooley's appointment as highway commissioner while joking he'll commit crimes like train robbery. **"Economic Equilibrium"** depicts a German immigrant shoemaker and carpenter negotiating labor. The satire targets labor unions (Knights of Labor, Knights of St. Crispin): when the carpenter joins a union, shoe prices mysteriously rise, suggesting unions artificially inflate costs. **"A Temperance Town"** satirizes the temperance movement's hypocrisy in Asbury Park—when activists ask for drinks, bartenders deliberately serve them whiskey instead, undermining prohibition efforts. **"Misnomers"** is a science joke about misnamed creatures (ichthyosaurs and platypuses). **"Watered Stock"** and **"Utter Infatuation"** are brief domestic humor pieces about economic inequality and romantic delusion. The page exemplifies Judge's blend of anti-immigrant stereotypes, anti-labor sentiment, and gentle domestic comedy.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
EXPECTED. They say Mike Dooley is up fer highway commissioner.” Casey shure, an’ Oi've been afraid Mike wud be doin’ something loike thot some toime. Did he hold up a train or a trolley-car?” ECONOMIC EQUILIBRIUM. EN 1 ordert a pair shoes from Lautenschlager he tell me, “ Fix dot kitchen-floor.” 1 bin a carpenter, und do it in von day. I call for der shoes, he ask me,‘ How much for fixin’ dot floor?” I say He say, ** Dot's right—dose shoes are two dollars. Ve are square.” Anoder time I go to Lautenschlager for shoes. He vants dot cellar-door repairt, und I done it in ten hours. Ven I shtop for der shoes, und tell him dot I join mit der Knights of Labor, und dot de cellar- door job vas two dollars und a haf, de union rate, he shmile und say, “Dot's all right, Caspar. Since you vas here I belong mit der Knights of St. Crispin, und der price of shoes is now two und a haf.” A TEMPERANCE TOWN. Se THAT temperance agitator had a hard time in Asbury Park just because his identity wasn’t known.” How's that ?” “Why, every time he asked for a “A YELLOW JOURNALIST.” drink they gave him whiskey.” MISNOMERS. [VE studied Ichthyology, For an explanation I could wish ‘And Ornithology, too; Of these two facts absurd— And a paradox appears.to me, An Ichthyosaurus isn’t a fish, Which I will tell to you. Nor an Ornithorhynchus a bird. CAROLYN WELLS. WATERED STOCK. 1T CAME TRUE. joodness me! these raindrops seem to be as UTTER INFATUATION. Cow—"* Say, Mrs. Pump, don't they ever give you anything to eat? Youcer- GLabys—"‘Are you quite sure he loves you?" tainly deserve as much as I get.” Ertnet—" Why, of course! Doesn't he.always let me beat him at golf?” comicbooks.com