Judge — September 7, 1901 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uae PUBLISHED ONCE 4 WEEK AT THE JUDGE BUILDING. Terms to Subscribers. (TES AMO CAMADA IH ADVANCE, copy, one year, or $2 numbers - $5.00 copy, six months, or 26 numbers - 3.50 One copy. for thirteen weeks - = 1.35 ifiuding the Cusisreas Juoes. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS — To all foreign countries in the postal union, $6.00 year. Wastaan Ornce—Henry Bright, manager, Boyce building, Chicago. Euros s-s0unts—/ntermational news company. Bri uilding, Chancery Lane, ‘avenue del Optra, Paris: Saarbach's news exchange, Mains, CORNER FIFTH AVENUB AND SIXTEENTH STREET, NEW YORK. (27 Circulation larger than any other cartoon weekly Ia the world. PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Juocs are protected by copyright in - Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and CONTRIBUTORS must laclose a stamped and self-addressed envelope with all manuscripts, otherwise retura of the latter when found unavailable cannot be guar antecd. DRAWINGS and all other contributions seat to the Art Department should have the seader’s full name and address written plalaly oa each and every separate aketch. The accompanylag joke or descriptive letter-press should In every lastance be written upoa its Individual picture, and NOT upon a separate silp of paper. la- closure of stamps to the full amount of postage Is also required, to lasure safe and prompt retura of material aot accepted. NAVAL OFFICERS pretty generally agree with Writing Bob Evans that the conning-tower is the safest place in these troublous times. soe ae B°3" FITZSIMMONS, the eminent solar-plexus specialist, has writ- ten a book, but the critics will hardly venture to handle it with- out gloves. cee L}EUTENANT-GENERAL LYTTLETON has gone to South Africa, possibly to replace Kitchener. If the Boers still continue obstinate, England may send Coke upon Lyttleton. eee . STHE GIRL AND THE JUDGE” is the title of Annie Russell's new play for the coming season; but Mr. Clyde Fitch, the author, as- sures us that it is nof a dramatization of “ Judge's Favorites.” HAUNCEY M. DEPEW is cred- ited with the sensa- tional announcement that he will retire from the interviewing busi- ness because the news- paper reporters distort his statements so. But perhaps this is one of the mis-statements. eee LCOHOL-LESS SALOONS are proposed by the Rev. C. M. Cobern of Den- ver asa social remedy against drunkenness. He admits, however, that it would require free lunch, music, vaudeville, and a Car- negie endowment fund to make such “joints” popular. 4s JUDGE'S” ESTEEMED JAPANESE CONTRIBUTOR, Mr. H. Yoshida, who can be witty in English with Japan-ease, writes us that on his recent visit to Cape May local newspapers dubbed him “Count"—a title which, he says, he hesitates to acknowledge, “since I belong to the count-less masses, rather than to the ac-count-ed aristoc- racy.” cee UR SECRETARY OF THE NAVY must be a myriad-minded man. In one and the same week he orders a court of inquiry to investigate Admiral Schley's “ disobedience” and indorses the project of presenting a loving-cup to the Spanish Admiral Cervera. Cervera may deserve the loving-cup all right, but does Schley deserve one filled with slurs and bit- terness? ORIGINALITY IN HUMOR. [DEAS OF HUMOR vary widely in individuals, which fact prevents the editorship of a comic paper from being 2 cinch. For example, a man the other day purposely disabled the machinery of a big pleasure launch, filled with passengers, in a rough sea off Fire Island, and then explained that he did it just for a joke. THE TROTTING RECORD. [8 A GENERATION the*mile trotting record has been lowered from the 2:19 of Flora Temple to the 2:02 of Cresceus, the wonder of today. ‘The record is down now where it will stay longer than in times past, so probably we must look as far into the future for the two-minute trotter as we look back into the past to Flora Temple. U. S., UMPIRE. AIL, COLOMBIA !—our Pan-American sister republic of the South. If you have a row on with Venezuela, we can only deplore; but when your “Liberal” insurgents insist upon holding up trains on the Panama Isthmus railroad and canal line, which we are bound by treaty to keep open to the world’s traffic, you may expect Uncle Sam to mix in. A TEXAS JUDGE. JUDGE ROY BEAN, who keeps order and a saloon down El Paso way, ably maintains his celebrated assumption that he is “the law west of the Pecos." The other day he went through a Southern Pacific train stopping at Langtry, and, with a six-shooter (forty-five calibre) in his hand, collected from a tenderfoot tourist the sum of thirty-five cents due by,the latter for a bottle of beer. The tourist had bought the beer at Bean's saloon, but neglected to pay for it. Going through the Pullman, Bean peered into each passenger's face until he found his man, when he cocked his gun and said: “Thirty-five cents, or I press the button.” A dollar bill was given to him. He took it and handed back the change correctly. As the Judge left the car he remarked to the passengers: “That's the kind of aman lam, I am the law west of the Pecos.” The effectiveness of Judge Bean's methods is readily conceded, but we have to be a little more circumspect up North here. A TEST CASE. RUDOLPH, an able-bodied St. Bernard dog, residing in the Westchester annex of New York City, recently made a contribution toscience by trying conclusions with an automobile in which William Damm and a friend were scorching up the Pelham Road. Rudolph boldly rushed at the 'mobe and seized the rubber tire of one of the front wheels in his teeth. A mix-up ensued which would have baffled the cinematograph. In about 3% seconds the automobile was on its back, hissing loud cries for help. Mr. Damm’s name was violently ejaculated several times before he lost consciousness, while his friend, with a broken collar-bone, lay in an adjoining lot. Rudolph himself was decidedly the worse for wear, with an ear or so missing, front teeth out, patches of hide scalded off, and tail broken, to say nothing of internal injuries. After Mr. Damm and his friend had been taken to a Westchester hospital for repairs, they returned home on a trolley-car, and re- counted their experi- ence to sympathizing acquaintances. “ Why, yes,” says Mr, Damm, “we were shaken up a bit. But you ought to see that dog!" WHAT KILLED HIM? Msquirx Most —"'So Tough-Luck Tomp- kins was bit by a rattlesnake?” Mescat. Mikr—"* Yep. Too bad! We shure doctored him plenty careful, too—gave him whiskey enough to kill ten men. No use, though; Tomp- kins died.”