Judge — August 31, 1901 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE COLONEL’S SURPRISE. IN THE war between the States Colonel Auger of the Fifth Texas Confederate Volunteers had two. sons who were in command of Fed- eral regiments. It was not of infre- quent occurrence, in that most remark- able of all wars, that brother was arrayed against brother and father against son; but it did not often happen. that the Tegiments of each came into direct per- sonal contact during a fight. However, te sory 1s told that A MORTAL VOCIFERATION. Colonel Auger's regiment on one Prainir. Pr So what Alkali Ike said to Monté Mose went into one ear and out at the other, did it?” occasion attacked both the regi- ARIZONA Al ‘ep! His gun spoke, an’ ther bullet did ther talkin’,” thing in mind. “ Why, sir,” he exclaimed in the greatest amaze- ment, “I was never so surprised in my life—never, sir! Why, 1 never went after those boys of mine with a stick that they didn’t run like the very devil, sir, to get out of my reach. But when I went after them to-day, sir, they didn’t run at all, sir—not at all! And just look at the result of their condus And the Col- onel waved his hand disconso- lately toward the battered and scattered legions setting them- selves together as best they could, WILLIAM J, LAMPTON. THE REASON WHY. AA SILVER spoon lay on the table, And said it would run if ‘twere able. THE STARTER OF RAGTIME. When asked why ic'would, Noaut (sending his sons over the world)—" See here, Ham ; you've got to go to Africa and populate it—see? Te replied, ~ Oh, hue mF Ham—" Oh, but, dad, I don't want to go there.” As T'm ‘chased,’ and you know Noau— Well, you've got to go. How do you think this world is going to get along without ragtime in a few genera- that's no fable.” tions from now?" OIL sanvis, ments of his sons ina prelimi- _<QQ nary skirmish. The Colonel was \\ a fighter, and, without counting . f y numbers, he boldly threw his =i command against the superior (A force of the enemy. The result ‘UE was that, although the Colonel \ put up one of the very best fights of his whole life, the battlefield was practically mopped up with his regiment, and the whole shooting-match had to get out of it the best way they could. ‘The Colonel kept with his scat- tered cohorts as nearly as possi- ble under the circumstances, and when they had reached a quieter spot than the scene of action, he halted and began to see what he could do toward getting order out of chaos. During this exercise, which was by no means light and easy, the Colonel was approached by an aide, who was making in- Aan quiries as to what had happened HIS FIRST GOLFER. : i Orricer O'BRIEN (just imported from County Clare)—"* Where's yure license?" and asking for particulars. Gorire—" But, my dear sir, I have no license.” ; ee. The Colonel had only one Orricex O'BRIEN—" ‘Thin you're under arrest. Yez can’t peddle umbrellas in this burg widout a license. Fraennc—m comicbooks.com