Judge — August 10, 1901 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE MATINEE GIRL. HE goes to every play divinely gowned R And keeps the programmes with devotion rare; BS Her walls with actors’ photographs abound, She tends them with a most devoted care Unto the stage door oft she shyly wends To see the mimic prince, street-clad, emerge — Oft missives brief with violets she sends To him, while love-dreams in her bosom surge. Through all the glamour she can never see, The false is true within the playhouse pale— And she believes with the simplicity Of the rapt child that hears the fairy tale, May the illusion ever o'er her sway ‘And make her life an endless matince, CIVILIZED THRIFT. First Chinaman —* But what is this indem- nity for? The powers have incurred no such ex- pense so far.” Second Chinaman — No, but this indemnity is to pay the expenses of whatever complications may arise between the powers.” OY Basa , THE. WRONG KIND. Winuir, Carerrittar —" Gee, mamma! just WHEN THEY GOT TOGETHER. think what a big butterfly that worm will make." It WAS a slightly mixed gathering of golf balls, midway in the season. Some of the aged, grass-complexioned ones were in a querulous mood. THE BARE IDEA! “Tam dead tired of being ‘ driven ‘ to death,” grunted one. THs story has been : “And I am sick of going the rounds SSS E the‘ hazards’ of the green,” on one of our well- F z Z remarked a would - be known Southern belles. ——7 sport. It appears that one of : “What a lot! her flames came from y q wheezed a third. “ To be New Orleans all the eigen S: y : iY : 3 “foozled’ by a cad and way to Tennessee to >, . Ee " eS ~~ Dak chased by a caddy.” call upon her. She ; : j ‘The assemblage was sent regretful word down by the ~ fapidly disqualifying itself bell-boy that she was sorry, but S for spheres in the life of Mr. — would have to excuse the suburbs by softening in this way her, as she was “en négligée. when a fresh lily-white young ball George Washington was horri- with a caoutchoutic twang to its fied; all his Southern delicacy ja voice, cried audaciously : “ Humph! rose up in rebellion ; but it is the ¥ ‘ ‘joss You are back-numbers not fit to be duty of the servant to obey. Ly ees (Vy noodles in a Bowery soup! As for George Washington went slowly x = NG me, I agree with old Bill Shake- down the stairs. Appearing in . ia speare: ‘Damned be he who first the parlors, he said, with a pre- - =e ij cries “ Holed enough liminary cough, “Awful sorry, hae i 3 Cap'en, but Miss B. can’t come down, ‘cause—hem—she's as naked asa jay.” ‘The feelings of Mr. — are not on record. NO PICKING, Have you picked your tomato crop?” ** No, but my chickens have.” EVIDENCE. *sLERE'S an H article about society women who drink.” “The author was writing on space.” “ Why ?” 7 “If not, he would have written ye society women who don’t drink.” NO USE. Goldstein—" E& pisness es so pad, Abraham, vhy don't you fail?” : Abraham—"Pe- A DEFINITION. Say, what's i EROUS GROUND. cause all de goots shay rhat’s connub-connubial bliss 7” . = So told ye thot?” ‘Oh, dear! how will we ever get our in de store vas baid “Tia in the book.” clothes? ‘There's an infernal cat sitting right beside them.” fur mit cash." *“T'row the book away.” comicbooks.com