Judge, 1901-06-29 · page 9 of 21
Judge — June 29, 1901 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple unrelated satirical pieces typical of Judge's format: **"Dealing in Stocks"** mocks flirtation: a young man admits to holding "the girl" rather than the hammock when swinging—stock romantic banter. **"The Impostor"** is a narrative poem about a man who impersonated "Dan Cupid" (personified love/romance) at social gatherings all summer, ingratiating himself everywhere, then disappeared in fall—exposed as a fraud who was never actually present. **"Where Skates Are Made"** is a joke about euphemism: a man tells people he works in a "skate manufactory" rather than admitting he works in a distillery, considering it more respectable. **"At the Polo Grounds"** plays on a pawnbroker's profession: hearing "three balls" (the umpire's call), he excitedly thinks it references the pawnbroker's traditional three-ball symbol. The remaining items are minor social humor, including a Thanksgiving reference to "John Alden" (Pilgrims legend) and a boy sitting on a hornets' nest.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
DEALING IN STOCKS. THE NICEST WAY. Ted —" When you're swinging in a hammock how do you hold ‘on to the confounded thing ?” Ned—"1 never do. 1 always hold on to the girl.” LOH i if \ vt % OM ale) GUS-DIRKS—30 THE FIRST ONES IN. Mrs, SquirretL—' Goodness me! you'll catch your death of cold swimming this time of the year.” THE IMPOSTOR. TO sundry thronged resorts last year ‘A dapper chap there came, Who on the list of guests, I hear, Pat down a welcome name. “Dan Cupid” wrote he, in a hand Where flourishes made free ; And young and old, with manner bland, At once stepped up to see. So popular he grew (the knave') ‘That ev'rywhere one went, In porch or hall, on sand or wave, His presence there he lent, At tOte-A-tate the most retired He formed a constant third— The thought he might not be desired Was voted too absurd. The summer passed, with “summer zests, The winds of winter neared, And he, with many other guests, Packed up and disappeared. But it was found by maid and man, Quite early in the fall, He was a fake, and that ¢he Dan Had not been ‘round at all ! OWN L, saan, WHERE “SKATES” ARE MADE. Hewrrt—" Gruet is employed in a dis- tillery, but he doesn't like to have people know it." Jewerr— No; I understand that he tells people he works in a skate manufactory.” AT THE POLO GROUNDS. A PAWNBROKER attending a baseball match for the first time could not contain himself when he heard the umpire shout, “ Three balls !" HE boy sat on a hornets’ nest— He thought it was a pillow. His family laid him down to rest Beneath a weeping willow. LittLe PHitanper McSwatt—"' Verily, Mr. Alden, thou art an honored man. Priscilla, my beauteous sister, hath told me something which, if samoleon. I were to tell thee, thou wouldst leap for joy.” MR. JOHN ALDEN (aside, with ecstasy\—"* Ob, joy! at last she accepts me. Tell me what ha cerning the angelic Priscilla McSwatt.” 00: Meenimed: ae Litre PutLaxper McSwatTt—"“ Sure, and at her wedding with Captain Smiles Standish thou art to be * best man," Here, Philander, is a jiness awaits me con- comicbooks.com