Judge, 1901-06-08 · page 10 of 16
Judge — June 8, 1901 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains multiple brief satirical sketches mocking contemporary social conventions and relationships. **"Modern Chivalry"** jokes that the only way to cheer a disappointed woman is hiring her a cab—poking fun at materialistic courtship rituals. **"Too Quick"** satirizes Wall Street greed: a husband mustn't tell his wife about profits because she'll spend them immediately. **"Twins"** is a lengthy humorous poem about the exhausting reality of raising twins, contrasting romantic courtship with domestic chaos. It mocks how neighbors romanticize large families ("How the good Lord has blessed you") while the father endures constant disruption. **"Pardonable"** shows an Irish immigrant boy mimicking his laborer father's inability to understand school lessons. **"In China"** presents orientalist stereotypes of a Chinese youth counting money while sentimentally recalling his mother's songs. Other brief jokes mock Wall Street speculation, Father Kneipp's nature-cure fads, and a college rowing team's incompetence. The humor relies on period-specific references to marriage dynamics, immigrant dialect comedy, and early-1900s social preoccupations.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
MODERN CHIVALRY. HEN lovely maiden stops to jolly, And finds too late she's missed the train, What charm can soothe her melancholy, What act can make her smile again? The only act her grief to lighten, To make her drooping pulses stir, And cause her saddened face to brighten Is simply, hire a cab for her. or cone. TOO QUICK. Hobb—* If you ever make any money in Wall street, never tell your wife.” a . Nobb—" Why not?" WASTED SENTIMENT. He “ She'll spend it for you before He (who has wandered)—"*Ah, my friend, many a brave heart lies here beneath this soil.’ ‘ a Tue workMaN—"Ah, goon! What'cher talking about? This ain't no graveyard. I'm a marble-cutter, and you've had a chance to lose it yourself. we sell them things.” TWINS. THAT courtship’s very pleasant I willingly admit— So much so that the young folks have never tired of it. But it’s after courtship’s over that the prose of life begins If you become, as I have, proprietor of twins. One kid can keepa household stirred up both night and lay With colic, teeth, and tantrums, in most promiscuous way; But when there's two, what penance one does for all his sins : Since the bother of one baby is multiplied by twins ! When neighbor Jones talks politics I tell him I can show His arguments are nonsense, and strive to prove them $0. ‘Then one kid yanks my whiskers, the other whacks my shins, And I indorse* protection” from my all-pervading twins. When we go out on Sunday the neighbors always say— “Ah, the procession’s started !" and grin, as well they may, For it's good as any “show” is when the concert-part begins And we go down the street to the music of the twins. “How the good Lord has blessed you,” says Parson PARDONABLE, Smith, says he, “ By givi these ibs. grateful + Kin I stay home from school to-day, fa-ather—we're studying ifalics, and I can’t under- eee oe ema Tee ‘stand them ? But I can't get over feeling that I'm punished for my si Parent—" Small wondther, lad. Shure Oi've been workin’ tin years wid dages, and can't under- By too much of a good thing"—by balf, at least—-with stand thim mesilf.” tant Sein 5 payee IN CHINA. UID chests of tea and bags of gold One youth who fights Yen Sing Has not forgot the ballads old His mother used to sing. With joy he counts his taels galore, Then to his girl writes he : “* My heart and loot are all the store That I can bring to thee.’ CLARA MARSHALL, A BIG ADVANTAGE, Crawford —" How do you fig- ure that the exhibition in Buffalo is better than the one they had in Paris?" Crabshaw —“ It doesn’t cost so much to get there.” HYGIENIC ENOUGH. Lady (seriously, to policeman in Central Park)—“ Officer, did this walking through the wet grass ac- cording to Father Kneipp, ever really ac cure anything 2” . ___A REMINDER. _. vue Officer (with enthusiastic heart- “* Your varsity eight reminds me of a gold mine ‘ prospectus’ . mnustass a How is that?” iness)—" Shure, ma‘am! Dirty feet. * So much crude oar in sight.” comicbooks.com