Judge, 1901-05-25 · page 11 of 16
Judge — May 25, 1901 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page consists primarily of advertisements and satirical verse from Judge magazine, with minimal substantive political cartoon content. The main satirical piece is "Crook, the Unkissed," a poem mocking Professor Algie Crook of Northwestern University, who apparently claimed he had never hugged or kissed a woman. The poet sarcastically questions how someone so lacking in romantic experience can be trusted to vote—a humorous commentary on the absurdity of his claim and a mild jab at his credibility as a public figure. Other short satirical items include "A Celestial Song—Martian Version" (a parody of romantic verse) and various one-liner jokes under "Philadelphic Oracles," poking gentle fun at contemporary institutions and human nature. The remainder of the page is advertising: Packer's Tar Soap, Whitman's Chocolates, Evans (product unclear), Prudential Insurance, and Sohmer Pianos. This advertising-heavy layout was standard for Judge magazine.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
CROOK, THE UNKISSED. (Vrolessor Algie Crook of the Northwestern Uni- ceny has sprung into {ame by asserting that he SSerdr hugged or kissed a woman." ) Professor, oh, Professor ! Did you never shyly slip Your arm around a damsel with a red and pout- ing lip? Did you never feel a quiver From your fingers to your toes When you sought to kiss her rightly, but car- romed on her nose? Professor, oh, Professor ! you never take a drive When the moonlight and the maiden made you glad you were alive? Never guide the horse one-handed, Or through one part of the trip Let him amble slowly homeward with the lines wrapped round the whip? Professor, oh, Professor! uur failings I take note, And it's hard to think that really you have got the right to vote ! And my only hope, Professor, Ifit’s true you've not been kissed, Is that Fate has fixed it some way that you don't know what you've missed. Josh Wink, in the Baltimore American, Hopes are never realized where ambition is | greater than strength, Fortify your system with Abbott's, the Original Angostura Bitters. | At druggists and grocers, Kills time—The musician who murders the tempo. —L*Arladelphia Bulletin, ¢ Sohmer Piano is the prime favorite for sts for both concert and private use. a, what's a harem Well, sonny a sort of a department fireside." Chicago é-Herald. FOR SHAMPOOING Vacker’s Tar Soap admirably meets all the requirements of lusury and hygiene. It is pure and emollient, cleanses. thor- oughly, removes dandruff and s itching. Physicians and dressers recommend Packer’s Tar Soap ‘The Packer Mig. Co., New York. Expectancy She knows he'll bring a box of hitman's Chocolates aod Confections Bold everywhere. STEPHEN F. WHITMAN & SON, 1316 Chestnat St., Phil Estabiiabed 192, Refuse Substitutes. A CELESTIAL SONG-MARTIAN VERSION, , Wink at me only with thine eye ‘And that shall be the sign ; ‘Then spurn thy Teslas into space, ‘And I'll the like with mine. The science of thy latter days Is doubtless very fine; But I have lunatics enough, ‘And will not talk with thine. Giles—: How was it he didn't meet any Bohemians?” Merritt—"* He spent his time dining at Bohemian restaurants.""— Town Tep- ics, “T'll speak my mind!” This was the threat From chappie that we heard. And then the dear boy sat and sat ‘And never said a word. —Pick-Me-Up. EVANS T glowed of late with tender heat, Not thinking aught of thee, But in the hope dear Venus’ self ‘That light of love might see. But since the worms that round thee craw! Have glimmered back at me, T hope and yearn for naught, I swear, Save my next apogee. —Punch, ‘As an appetizer and general tonic, mix quar- ter wine-glass Dr. Siegert’s Angostura Bitters, fill with iced water, add teaspoonful sugar. PHILADELPHIC ORACLES, Literary centers—Penny newspapers. A fly wheel—The elopets’ tandem. ‘The angry waiter serves things hot. The red herring ought to be served along with white and bluefish. ‘The tenor cannot always get what he wants by giving a note for it. Men who get trusted for the materials may be said to build their houses on ‘sand. Philadelphia Bulletin, Two Purposes Accomplished BY AN ENDOWMENT POLICY It insures your having a round sum in cash, with profits added, when the policy matures. It insures your family, business or estate for full amount of policy in event of your death before policy matures. The Prudential will freely send you Sample Policy (OMAS THE STRENGTH OF GIBRALTAR Write tor information, Dept. N The Prudential Insurance Co. of America JOHN F. DRYDEN, HOME OFFICE President Newark, N. J. THE “SOHMER” HEADS THE LIST OF THE HIGHEST GRADE PIANOS. SOHMER PIANOS _ Sohmer Building, Sth Aven cor. 22d Lida They said he owed nothing when he died. | A little inquiry showed he had not provi ided | for his chief creditors—his famil This | debt is best discharged through a life-insur- 'y in the Pew Murua Lire, 921-3-5 Chestnut Street, Philadelphia. for Morpbtoe, Opium co ether reg abit Painless, permanent m Home cure. Comins ererbvital principle lacking tn all ethers. Confientiat St. Paul Association, 40 Van Buren St., Chicago. fo ED. PINAUDS EAUY DE OUn, MAIR TONIC THE BEST HAIR RESTORER A,POSITIVE DANDRUFF CURE Mnaiwnarersing for avery pecron ef refinement 8 Fe SE BESET ToL oO SIER $250 REWARD for information leading to the conviction of any dealer having relied empty bottles of ED. NAU D's world-renowned Eau de Quinine Hair Tonic, ‘or adulterating and tampering tn any shape or form, with the original conteuts of tbe sal Any con cation Felative to the detection of sich Frauds wil be treated In strict consdcuce. PUTNEY, TWOMBLY & PUTNEY, Attorneys, 115 BROADWAY, NEW YORK. THREE OF THE FINEST BARBER CHAIRS IN THE WORLD. NEW DESIGN, NEW MOVEMENT, NEW FINISH. The Largest Line of Barbers’ Nepplics i the City. ARCHER MANUFACTURING CO., 169 Canal Street, - - © New York. ‘A Georgia exchange has an account of ‘ta hot literary dinner, after which there was a wrestling-match to decide who was the best literary man in town, Mart Tompkins throwed Luke Landers five times, and was afterward declared head writer and literary president.” — Atlanta Coustitution. Williams’ Shaving Stick THE ONLY KIND {That WONT ORY ON THE FACE SOLD EVERYWHEL Williams’ Shaving Stick, 25c. Genuine Yankee Shaving Soap, 10c. Luxury Shaving T bier 25e Swiss Violet Shaving Cream, 50. Witltams’ Shaving Soap (Barber), ‘6 ats Lee tie alto foe taal, THE J, B. WILLIAMS CO., Glastonbury, Ct. Toston “PaKis peesbes SYDNEY ‘You will get more promps attention and better service by mentioning Jvpwe when answering advertisements, - KE SHORE LIMITED”: Leaves New York 5.30 every a’ fternoon via NEW YORK CENTRAL. Arrives Chicago 4.30 next afternoon via LAKE SHORE.