Judge — May 11, 1901 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Judge’s Funny Stories by Serious People, and Vice Versa. (This is a wi subject of twins hau taking old master, Zi , was commissioned to do the accompanying “Zim” never co HERE was an_ Italian freak on exhibition afew years ago who was an exaggeration of the Siamese twins. This freak had one body, one pair of legs, two heads and four arms, I thought he would be use- ful in a book, so I put him in. And then the trouble began. I called these con- solidated twins Angelo and Luigi, and I tried to make them nice and agreeable, but it was not possible. They would not do anything my way, but only their own, They were wholly unmanageable, and not a day went by that they ‘didn’t develop some new kind of devilish- ness—particularly Luigi. Angelo was of a religious turn of mind, and was monotonously honest and honorable and upright, and tediously proper; whereas Luigi had no principles, no morals, no religion—he was a perfect blatherskite, and an inextricable tangle theologically — infidel, atheist, and agnostic, all mixed together. He was of a malicious disposition, and liked to eat things which disagreed with his brother. They were so strangely organized that what one of them ate or drank had no effect upon himself, but only nourished or damaged the other one. Luigi was hearty and robust, because Angelo ate the best and most wholesome food he could find for him; but Angelo was himself delicate and sickly, because every day Luigi would fill him up with mince pies and salt junk, just because he knew he couldn't digest them. Luigi was very dissipated, but it didn’t show on him, but only on his brother. His brother was a strict and conscientious teetotaler, but was Copyright by Rockwood, New York, 1) i pictures, regardless of expense and other things. As is well known to hi " rs. drawing complete until he has verified every detail with minute exactness. Some of the details in this story of Mark Twai for their verification.—Eorrox.} Mark Twain told some years ago, before he reformed. It was at the time the late Frank Mayo put “ Puddenhead Wilson” on the dramatic stage, and the that plot brought out the interesting reminiscence here eet down. Juocn's delay in publishing it hay been due mainly to the artistic scruples of that pains- yatemporaries in the art world, ' required considerable researclt drunk most of the time on account of Luigi's habits, Angelo was presi- dent of the Prohibition Society, but they had to turn him out because every time he appeared at the head of the procession on parade he was a scandalous spectacle to look at. On the other hand, Angelo was a trouble to Luigi, the infidel, because he was always changing his religion, trying to find the best one, and he always preferred sects that believed in baptism by immersion, and this was a constant peril and discomfort to Luigi, who couldn't stand water outside or in; and so every time Angelo got baptized Luigi got drowned, and had to be pumped out and resuscitated, Luigi was irascible, yet was never willing to stand by the consequences of his acts. He was always kicking somebody and then laying it on Angelo. And when the kicked person kicked back, Luigi would say: “ What are you kicking me for? I haven't done anything to you.” Then the man would be sorry, and say: “Well, I didn’t mean any harm. 1 thought it was you; but, you see, you people have only one body between you, and I can’t tell which of you I'm kicking. I don’t wish to be unfair, and so there is no way for me to do but to kick one of you and apologize to the other.” ‘They were a troublesome pair in every way. If they did any work for you, they charged fortwo; but at the boarding-house they ate and slept for two, and only paid for one. In the trains they wouldn't pay for two, because they only occupied one seat. The same at the theatre. Luigi bought one ticket and deadheaded Angelo in. They couldn't put Angelo out because they couldn't. put the deadhead out without putting out the twin that had paid, and scooping in a suit for damages. Luigi grew steadily more and more wicked, and I saw by and by that the way he was going on he was certain to land in the eternal tropics, and at bottom I was glad of _it; but I knew he would necessarily take his re- ligious brother down there with him, and that would not be fair. I did not object to it, but I didn’t want to be responsible for it. I was in such a hobble that there was only one way out. To save the righteous brother I had to pull the consolidated twins apart and make two separate and distinct twins of them. Well, as soon as I did that they lost all their energy and took no further interest in life. They were wholly futile and useless in the book; they became mere shadows, and so they remain. Medmared FREOAS Zz ** TL thought be would be useful in a book.” comicbooks.com