Judge, 1901-02-16 · page 6 of 16
Judge — February 16, 1901 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains several short humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century American satire: **"His Cogitation"** mocks how men fantasize about their own competence—winning business deals, gaining office, managing wives—only to fail in reality. It satirizes masculine self-delusion. **"Poor Returns"** jokes about failed romance: a man sends expensive dollar valentines but receives only cheap penny ones in return. **"Necessarily Fatal"** is a pun-based joke where a widow says her husband died of "tumult on the liver"—likely meaning cirrhosis, but the pastor misunderstands the malapropism. **"A Plea from a Shop-Window"** personifies an unsold, faded valentine longing to find a buyer, lamenting its obsolescence in a shop focused only on profit. **Other pieces** include light romantic misunderstandings and wordplay humor. The overall tone is genteel Victorian-era comedy—sentimental, punning, and gently mocking human folly rather than targeting specific political figures or events.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HIS COGITATION. se] T'S funny, when you come to think about it,” said the Kohack philosopher, “bow easy it is for a man to get the best of a horse-trade in his sleep; how triumphant his rush for office is in his dreams; how masterful- ly he manages his wife in his imagina- tion; how full of foresight he is after it is all over; how successful he is in beatin’ another man at his—the other man’s—own game, beforehand; how he is admired and respected by his fel- low-men, in a horn; and how casy it is for him, the night before, to get up early in the mornin’ !" ANY a man mistakes the contrari- ness of his nature for a strong will. IN TOPSYTURVY LAND. SPORTY HoRsE—"‘Another hundred gone up in the air. ‘That man can't run fast \ enough to keep himself warm.” VERY UNFORTUNATE. HE was very illiterate, but the wife of a city official and anxious to be entertaining. After some local gossip she told a little story of a man-friend who was a cripple, and ended the tale in this way: + Just think! the poor fellow has not walked a step in twenty years, but has to be rolled about in an infidel chair. * “Terrible!” returned her mis- chievous hostess; “and so bad for his immortal soul.’ “Oh, no!” quickly replied the guest. “it was his spine. POOR RETURNS. OOD fortune never on me shines ; My luck is worse than any one's. T send out dollar valentines, And all I get are penny ones, NECESSARILY FATAL. $*G0 YOU have lost your dear husband, sister? Of what did he die?” asked the pastor sympathetically. “ Of—of tumult on the liver,” sobbed the bereaved one. My ify fus-dinas fa — cet SY Tuss—"Ah! People seem to bx } getting to know what's good. This is 4 the best jam that Molly ever made.” ope WEEK A PLEA FROM A SHOP- DNEY WINDOW. *M a little, old-fashioned valentine, And faded with age, I suppose: But [wear on my breast a trve-love knot, And over my heart a rose. Just how it has happened I truly can’t tell; But here I have waited, unsold, Till I'm tired to death of this dingy old shop, Where not! gold. ng is thought of but So some one have pity and take me away, And I may bring you joy—who knows? For hid in my heart is a message sweet, "Neath the true-love knot and the rose. ranHA c, nawD, WHAT SHE HAD SEEN. ++ | READ to-day,” said Mr. Stag- gers, “that it is almost im- possible to see a perfectly full moon owing to the angle of the ecliptic Now, my dear, although you think you have seen many a full moon, ALL A MISTAKE, you really have never seen one.” VIRILE. Percy (sho cerites)—"* When I started to ask your father for “Well, I've seen a full man First noy—* Me brudder Jack is one uv your hand he drew a revolver on me.” a time.” snapped M de most forceful actors on de stage ter-day.” Eprru—* It was all a terrible mistake, Per Papa thought Many a time, snapped SECOND Bi W'ot part does he play?” you were going to read some of your poetry to him gers. First oy De hind part uv a mule.” comicbooks.com