Judge — February 2, 1901 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MUTUAL- BENEFIT LOVE-INSURANCE COMPANY. LOVERS, ATTENTION ! 1S YOUR LOVE INSURED? OTHER LOVES ARE DEAD; YOUR LOVE MAY DIE. You USE, YOUR BARNS ; 2 RE YOUR LOVE? This company is incorporated under the laws of the United States, and its affairs are conducted by a board of directors, including some of our best- known poets and novelists, and it is approved in all respects by the board of underpaid writers. Membership.—Any lover between the ages of eighteen and seventy, of sound body and (other- wise) sound mind, in good health (excepting such maladies as are traceable to the fact of his or her being in love) and temperate habits, whose occupa- tion comes within certain classifications hereinafter specified, shall be eligible to membership. Policies are issued only upon healthy, honest loves, subscribed and sworn to by both parties in- terested therein, and guaranteed to be not like other lov Prohibited risks.—Citizens of Chicago, members of the theatrical profession, students of co-educational colleges, naval heroes and sum- mer girls are not eligible to membership, and their applications will not be considered by this company. Applicants must answer truthfully and without evasion the foliow- ing questions : State name, including all nicknames or pet names used dur’.g the love to be insured. How long have you been in love? Was it love at first sight ? Are you (1) handsome, (2) good-looking, or (3) plain? Are you susceptible to flattery ? Are you of a jealous disposition ? Have you ever had heart-disease? Palpitation? Meiancholia? Lover-complaint? Blues? Heart-failure? What is your occupation? (Specify this definitely. If a business man, state if lady typewriters are employed, and, if so, how many, and of what appearance. Append photograph if possible.) Where do you spend your vacations? Are there widows there? Any applicant answering these questions satisfactorily is entitled toa policy in our company that shall provide indemnity for the death of a love which, though it may now seem deathless, is often subject to mortal injury in this uncertain life of ours. Dan Cupp, agent, No. 7 Primrose path. BE THANKFUL! F WOMAN argued as man does We'd play a losing part ; So thank the Lord that there are those Who reason with the heart, HUSTLING IN HADES. +64 H, ME!” sighed a lost soul," isn’t this a cheerless place to spend eternity “Cheerless?” exclaimed the shade of the man from Chicago. “Why, one of the attendants told me that the place had doubled its population each decade for five thousand years!” CAROLYN WELLS, YELL-OH! JOURNALISM. EX-TREE! All the latest news! P'lice at work on murder clews ! Big elopement from Cohoes ! Knock-out drops! a hot prize- fight! Man held up in broad daylight ! Croker says New York ‘s all right! "Nother bank has gone to smash— Teller skipped with all the cash! Rich man poisoned eating hash! Crime, insanity and booze ! Comic section for the blues! Ex-tree! All the latest news f MAN can express more diverse opinions while shaving himself than a wo- man could think up in a week. Pann STN Ans Pa RAVAN RO JUDGE'S GIRL-OLOGICAL OBSERVATIONS, ‘Thy February, gladsome girl, Half breathless in swift pleasure’s whirl, With laughing, welcome kiss thou greetest. For Washington's and Lincoln's days, And Valentine's love-roundelays, Make this month, though the shortest, sweetest. comicbooks.com