Judge — February 2, 1901 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HELLO! MY BABY, The queen of Holland has had a telephone tastalled between her palace and that where her ce lodges. Most maidens count it joy and bliss From Him to get a letter, But Wilbelmina’s notion is, A telephone is better. They've had one fixed between the pair, So after calling ‘Are you there?” Ile hears her answer ‘* Oui, mon cher,” And knows, although he hasn't seen her, He can make love to Wilhelmina, Give me the good old-fashioned way ! If you have tender things to say, Don't telephone them day by day, But write them in a letter. For in the far-off years to come, When that old telephone is mum, And you, perhaps, are dead and dumb, She tenderly will treasure some You wrote, when first you met ker. —D. B., in English Outlook, Every fall reaps its harvest of deaths caused by failure to regain strength and health after a trying summer. DR, SIEGERT'S Angostara pitters enrich the blood. Mr. Flatdweller—* 1 told that janitor of ours to go to Hades.” Mrs. Flatdweller— “Why, George! Aren't you ashamed?” Afr, Flatdiceller —"" Not at all, my dear. That seems to be the only way in which he could acquire any knowledge of heating."—Pailadel- phia Kecord, br. Hull's Cough Syrup should be kept tn every household. It is the best remedy for cough or cold, and is especially recommended for that gripe cough. Price 25 ce ONLY BORROWED, CARLYLE AND HIS CAT. In a hitherto unpublished letter of Mrs. Car- lyle, written to her maid Jessie, which has just been printed.in London, there is an amusing reference to Carlyle and bis cat. Says Mrs, Carlyle: ** That cat! I wish she were dead! But I can't shorten her days, because. you see, my poor, dear, wee dog liked her. Well, there she is! ' And’as long as she attends Mr. C. at his meals (she doesn’t care a sheaf of tobacco for hintat any other time), so long will Mr. C. continue to give her bits of meat and driblets of milk, to the ruination of carpets and hearth- rugs! ‘I have over and over again pointed out to him the stains she had made, but he won't believe them her doings. And the dining-room carpet was so old and ugly that it wasn't worth rows with one’s husband about. Now, however, that nice new cloth must be protected against the cat abuse, So what I wish is, that you would shut up the creature when Mr. C. has breakfast, dinner, or tea, and if he remarks on her absence, say it was my express desire. He has no idea what a selfish, immoral, improper beast she is, nor what mischief she does to the carpets.” Tosstn sonal . sleepless, on my pillow, with ap achlog bead, d Hck and wuferag,, Tomecanes = feieadly Delgbor, re relieved me— ‘Shout thelr praives through every land ! Mrs. Crimsonbeak—" Are you not going to Wear that necktie I gave you for your Christ- mas to Mrs. Styles's, to-night ?"" Afr, Crim- sonbeak—"' Why, no; it's not a masquerade party, dear."”— Yonkers Statesman, Pompous author (to veteran editor)—"* What would you advise a man to do whose ideas are in advance of the times?” Veteran editor (promptly)—I would advise him to sit quietly down and wait for the times to catch up.— KIPLING AS “GIGGS" THE COLLEGE BOY. Throughout his college career, Kipling re- mained on the classical side, interesting him- self in geology so far as to gain permission to ramble at free will along the cliffs for the ostensible purpose of collecting fossils, but for the teal one of capturing young jackdaws and ravens—a dangerous pursuit, when it is consid- ered that the birds asa rule build underneath an overhanging ledge, to be reached only by a rope from above, with a sheer drop of two or three hundred feet to the rocks below. In chemistry “Giggs” developed such an aptitude for compounding elements which blew ship of that class was not of long duration. Indeed his presence in many classes must un doubtedly have been a trial to nervous masters, who were not quite sure how to regard his recitations, often interspersed with relevant but intensely humorous remarks that sent his com- panions into convulsions of laughter.—A/. G. White in Collier's Weekly, Ske—" You'll have to wait for my answer.” He—* How shall I put in my time “You might prepare for the worst Topics. THE MAIN THING. “Your medicinal water seems to have a great reputation as a cure-all,” remarked the customer. ‘To what do you attribute its great curative powers?” ‘* To judicious and exten- sive advertising, principally,” the dealer frank- ly admitted. —Catholic Standard and Times, up at inopportune moments that his member-| There is hardly a spot in the civi- lized world where “Canadian Club’ Whisky is not enjoyed because of its deli- cate and unmis- takable flavour and fragrant aroma, ts re- markable blend- ing qualities make it especially deli- cious in cocktails, highballs or in any drink in which whisky is ~ used, Bobbs—* Attorney Sobbs always weeps when he makes his final address to the jury.” Dobds —"‘That's why they call him the ‘court crier.’"—Baltimore American, The River of Life: is rising—the longer you wait the harder it will be to cross. The longer you wait the harder to secure Life Insurance. The time to Insure is NOW The Prudential Address Department R. Boston Home Journal, Farmer—Uncle Mose, that’s a queer place to have my rooster!" Afoses de Paul—" Now, Mister Smif, jist let me ’spanify !_ Yo" see dem medders rs wuz comin’ by for me to go ‘possum huntin’ wid “em "bout 12 o'clock to- night, an’ I didn’ hab no watch—so I jist bor~ rowed dis fowl so T could tell from his crowin’ what time dey wuz a comin’, Clar to goodness, Mr Smif !T inter return him fore dalite in de mawnin’ Arkansaw Thos, Cat, Williams’ Shaving Stick For some weeks past Astronomers have quarreled over the flashlight signals sent to Earth from Planet Mars. Write for particulars. THE PRUDENTIAL INSURANCE COMPANY OF AMERICA THE ONLY KIND THAT WONT DRY ON THE FACE ‘SOLD EVERYWHERE. ‘Williams’ Shavi: Genuine Yankee The inhabitants of that distant orb have heard of EVANS’ ALE and want That's all. riveniy J rs ts NO Sa THE 4B. WILLIAMS, CO. LONTON _PARIS STRENGTHOF: GIBRALTAR JOHN F. DRYDEN President Gl DRESDEN HOME OFFICE: One should prefer to live rich Newark, N. 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