Judge, 1900-12-29 · page 7 of 17
Judge — December 29, 1900 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short satirical pieces typical of early 1900s American humor: **"That Was Arranged"** mocks William Jennings Bryan, the Democratic presidential candidate, suggesting a Denver newspaper's job offer was insincere—Bryan would've embarrassed them by accepting. **"Unavoidable"** blames Republican President McKinley for Kansas's wet weather since his election, sarcastically suggesting his newfound imperial power extends to controlling rainfall. This attacks McKinley's imperialism policies. **"In Topsyturvy Land"** plays on absurdist logic about cause and effect. **"Reflections of a Spinster"** offers cynical observations on love, marriage, and gender—typical period commentary on unmarried women's perspectives. The remaining pieces are light wordplay ("Height of Ingenuity," "No Difference," "Right Off the Reel") with minimal political content, relying on puns and visual gags rather than satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THAT WAS AR- RANGED. SOTHAT was a corking offer of ten thousand dollars a year to Mr. Bryan to become editor of that Den- ver paper.” "Yes; but wouldn't the editor have felt silly if Bryan had accepted?” UNAVOIDABLE, THEY have been having considerable wet weather out in the great wheat-belt of Kansas since election. In one of the finest wheat coun- ties of the state a pop. politi- IN TOPSYTURVY LAND. cian, a sarcastic serf, met a Mn. Gas (to Miss Lamp)—"* Dearest one, let's Republican friend just after put out the man and sit in the dark.” the returns had come in and remarked, “Well, judge, I suppose you claim McKinley is responsible for all this moisture.” “ Certainly,” responded the agent of prosperity. “ McKinley being now an emperor, of course he Aas to reign.” THE HEIGHT OF INGENUITY. Jaggles— What do you think is the most wonderful machine ever invented ?” Waggles—* The one that puts the folds in time-tables.” TOO MANY LaMP-POSTS. “H'm! I see three of my shadows, and I'm sure I didn’t drink so very much,” REFLECTIONS OF A SPINSTER. [F LOVE'S eyesight were good pa- jamas would never have been in- vented. Good men are products of the imaginations of religious women who have never married. If God only lends people some- thing to love what bad judgment he sometimes uses in not calling the loan, A handsome man divides women into two classes—those he knows he can kiss and those he thinks he can as soon as he has time. Confusion between a man's sor- row at being found out and sorrow for what he has done has been one of the scandals of morality. A gitl kissing a married man is like a child playing with electricity, who does not like the shock when it comes, but cannot resist trying it once more. Some men are as easily enter- NO DIFFERENCE. tained as the one who had a habit of LittLe SAM—" Gran'mammy, w’ot's de difference between iron an’ steel ?” taking off his wife's wedding - ring GRaxDMA—"' Yo! says w'ot's de difference between iron an’ steel? Um—er—now I s'‘prised at yo’ ignorance, whenever he wanted a little excitement. chile. Why, de difference between iron an’ steel is jes’ de same as de difference between ironia’ an’ stealin’, ob course.” VADA AGNEW, RIGHT OFF THE REEL. All day long by rippling stream the angler reels off his fish-line. And when the streams are bound with ice, still the angler reels off his fish lyin’. comicbooks.com