Judge, 1900-12-22 · page 37 of 48
Judge — December 22, 1900 — page 37: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"An Optimist"** is a poem celebrating willful ignorance—the speaker proudly dismisses learning, scientific discovery, and intellectual pursuits as boring. The satire targets anti-intellectual attitudes and complacency. **"A Fatal Admission"** jokes about pawn shops: a man admits he bought an opera-cloak from "the first store on the left after you come out of Isaacstein's pawn-shop"—revealing he bought second-hand goods, a social embarrassment. The Jewish name "Isaacstein" appears to be incidental to the pawn-shop reference. **"Co-operative"** depicts urban efficiency humor: apartment dwellers share a single Christmas tree, passing it through a dumb-waiter between floors. **"Ignorance Was Bliss"** makes a microbe joke: ancient druids didn't know kissing spread disease, contrasting pre-scientific and modern knowledge. The illustrations support these light domestic and social humor pieces rather than political satire.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AN -OPTIMIST. CARE not much for learning, in my heart there is no burning, there's no very special yearning there for any kind of lore ; ‘ ‘The mysteries of creation, or the country’s population, or the latest exploration—oh, I think them all a bore! T notice not the mention of the latest great invention that invites the world’s attention, but I pass it idly by; T see no use discussing with a lot of verbal fussing— for my fur they're only mussing—say, the struct- ure of a fly. I'm not forever reaching toward great subjects, I’m not preaching that the world’s in need of teaching on this science or on that ; Iskip the many pages that the self-complacent sages will devote—my spirit rages— to the habits of a cat. 3 I always stand from under when the scholars prate of thunder, or some other natural wonder, and it makes me feel quite glum To sea disquisition on the source of superstition, or a mass of erudition on a spry bacterium. ‘Suppose a microbe dances in the cheese or gay advances on his, way and takes his chances of a blow and sudden end, Why need I read the story, vast and circumlocutory? Leave the microbe to his glory, and your course I will commend, ‘The world’s in good condition—hang the fellow with a mission— I've a merry disposition, I have very few regrets ; One friend’s enough to cheer me, and the blues are bound to fear me, with a plate of crackers near me, and a box of cigarettes ! RATHAN M, LEVY. A FATAL ADMISSION. Epirt—" Ob, what a lovely opera-cloak for Christmas! Where did you get it?” PERCY (thoughtlessi;)—"' I—aw—forget the name ; but it's the first store on the left after you come out of Isaacstein's pawn-shop. [T IS suggested that it would be a really clever and amusing thing for the person who wishes to remember a cross-grained maiden aunt (without property) to send her a dainty bottle of pickles, with a card bearing the time-honored inscription, “ Sweets to the sweet.” A SENTIMENT from Ragson Tatters: “De holidays! Bless de hull t'ree hunderd an’ sixty-five of ‘em Ow: Santa CLaws—" Well, will you look at the stockings Mrs, Sparrow has hung up ! CO-OPERATIVE, Cobwigger—" | don't sce where you find room in your flat for a Christmas tree.” Crawford—" An inventor who lives down-stairs has figured that out, All the families in the housechip in for one tree. We fix it up in the dumb-waiter, and it stops at each floor for an hour at a time,” IGNORANCE WAS BLISS. Cora—" 1 wonder what made the druids of old believe that the mistletoe was a charm against disease ?” Merritt—In those days, my dear, they didn't know there were Pir ecpaticra mo Etta microbes in a kiss, Miss Tomato—'* Oh, that’s where Jack Frost nipped me last night.” comicbooks.com