Judge — December 22, 1900 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SLATTERY ON REFORM. 66 AND’ phwat is a re- former, are yez afther askin’ me? Well, Oil tell yez. Recall to yer moinds a mon that yez niver heard of, a- preachin’ sermons in churches that yez don't belong to, and a-writin’® artickles about other folks’s business, that nobody niver reads, in a paper yez didn’t know was published—sure, that’s a reformer. THE OLD STANDBYS. Mrs. Cobwigger— “Here is a printed list of suitable presents for a wife to give her husband. Mark the ones you would like best.” Cobwigger (after reading list)—“I think I would be satisfied, my dear, with anything that was not mentioned here.”” KEEPING HIM QUIET. Rippity-rippity-rip! Boom-boom-bang I The distracted poet gave a start and jumped up from his chair. His eye, which a moment before had been ina fine frenzy rolling, looked daggers towards the ceiling. whence the noise had come. OND THE JURISDICTION OF THE COURT. THE. NyLGHAU—"' I thought the giraffe was sentenced to be hanged Tue. zenra—'"So he was; but they had to pardon him—couldnt find a tree high enough.” “What is it, my dear?” inquired his wife, running in from the adjo “That's what I'd like to know,” replied the poet, rather savagely. Rippity-rippity-rip! Boom-boom-bang ! Oh, that’s Willie, up in the garret,” she returned, “He's playing with his new set of ten-pins.”” “Merciful heavens, woman!" expostulated the poet. “Haven't you learned by ¢ that I must have absolute quiet when I'm writing ? Yes, dear,” replied his wife sweetly. “It was just on your account that I bought Willie the presents for Christmas.” “Your sense of the appropriate is very highly developed,” he answered sarcastic- ally.‘ What else did you get him?” “ Just what he asked for,” she returned. “ A tin whistle and a drum.” The poet fell back in his chair with a gasp. “You know how persistent Willie is," she went on. “He insisted that he must have them. I was thinking only of your comfort, so I got them for him.” “ Are you crazy, woman ?” almost shrieked the poet. “Why, no, dear,” she returned, in all innocence. “I bought them for Willie because they were the only things that would keep him quiet.” SHEAR NONSENSE, comicbooks.com