Judge, 1900-12-15 · page 6 of 22
Judge — December 15, 1900 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humor and advice page from *Judge* magazine. The main content includes: **"A Few Hints to the Groom"**: Satirical wedding advice mocking grooms, suggesting they're subordinate to brides, financially ruined by marriage, and should expect to drop the ring and mess up the ceremony. **"His Sonorous Conscience"**: A joke about a man whose conscience is so loud it's like a brass band—mocking self-righteousness. **"The Sole Exception"**: A landlord's complaint about neighborhood noise is explained away because the local dentist practices painlessly at night, causing people to scream—dark humor about dental procedures. **"Treated Like a Dog"**: A racial caricature where a Black man ("Weary Willie") describes being treated well (washed, groomed, given a collar) as humiliating—the "joke" relies on dehumanizing comparison. The page satirizes marriage, social pretense, and dental quackery. The last cartoon reflects the period's deeply offensive racial attitudes.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
MY DAILY FARE, HAPPY home, with loved ones near ; Raiment, food, and bed ; ‘The book or two I hold most dear— This is my daily bread. Congenial comrades—just a few ; Winds from the mountains sweet ; Full strength my chosen work to do— ‘This is my daily meat. Music and thoughts of the great and fair; Wisdom and wit to dine ; Beauty and pleasure to have and to share— ‘This—ah, this is my wine! Rata c. Dowd, A FEW HINTS TO THE GROOM. EVER do things by halves, even if you are the lesser half. During the ceremony confine your IN TOPSYTURVY LAND. swearing to the service. B SEViCe. . SNowBALL—"* Ouch! That must have been a coon I Let the bride's relatives have their got hit with.”” own way and get square afterwards, Be good and you may not have to telegraph for money to get back home. JUDGE'S FAVORITES. ROSE MELVILLE AS SIS HOPKINS. {A thaousand times I've looked! araound, An‘, Sis; of ail the gals I've faound, L reckon you're abaout the wii Ef I wuz workin’ on the farm, ie for me would have more charm ‘bright tia pail chock full o' dinner, HIS SONOROUS CONSCIENCE, Mrs. Hoon —* It seems to me that good old Deacon Sobersides never de- viates in the slightest degree from the strait and narrow wa Mr, Hoon No; | sometimes fancy he has the approval of his own conscience to such an extent that the still small voice within must be as audible to him as a brass band.” THE SOLE EXCEPTION, The new lodger—\ must look for an- other room, Mrs. Chamberhall. ‘The noise in the neighborhood last night was simply un bearable! Three times was kened by the shrieks of some person in agony Ars. Chamberhall—* Oh, please do not be hasty. It is but one night in the week when the painless dentist keeps open.” Weary Witite (shuddering)—" Oh, Lord ! Fravep FAGIN —* She did ? Weary Witte = Try to conceal your feelings and be cheerful; fancy you're some other fellow. Lay in a large wardrobe; it will be a long time before you will get a new suit. If you want to be truly in the fashion be sure to forget where you left your hat, When calculating the cost multiply by four and add one hundred per cent. interest. Never deceive yourself into the sus- picion that you are the star of the performance. Laugh heartily at the best man’s jokes, and if he becomes too flippant, borrow money from him. “Do not fail to put the ring in the wrong hand and do your best to drop it when you pass it along. Always get mixed up in the bride's train and add ten dollars to the fee for the clergyman to express your feelings. TOUSLED, Cobwigger—"\ don't see how you got all those things in without paying duty. Weren't Tommi Frocc — "Oh, Miss Mermaid, T coulda'e theymew?” help it—the ice on your roof was so thin.” Merritt — They didn't look so after the custom inspector got through with them.” Ter WTS et TREATED LIKE A DOG. Dat woman treated me like a dog.” Lord, yes! She washed me face, and combed me hair, and put a new collar on me, and wuz jess starting to kiss me when T run.” comicbooks.com