Judge, 1900-12-08 · page 4 of 16
Judge — December 8, 1900 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief satirical pieces and illustrations typical of Judge's humor: **"The Pickle Fair"** and **"The Very Reason"** are short joke exchanges about gender differences—women reading novels versus newspapers, and why there's never been a female president (a man-made law requiring candidates be over 35). **"Judge's Favorites"** features a poem about Alberta Gallatin, praising her beauty with Victorian language. **"Hearing vs. Listening"** reflects on aging—how hearing ability has declined while listening skills have somehow improved. **"His Ill Fortune"** describes a farmer's misery from digestive troubles. **"In Arizona"** shows a Western scene where a tourist remarks that life seems safer than before, but everything else—climate, terrain—has become more dangerous. The humor relies on wordplay, gender stereotypes, and period-specific references rather than political satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE FICKLE FAIR. Cobwigger — Howells says the women read books while the men read the papers.”” Merritt—" That accounts for the fact that the popular novel changes as | often as the fashions.” THE VERY REASON. Little Harry—"Why haven't we ever had a lady president, papa?” Papa —" Because, Harry, a man- made law makes it imperative that the president be more than thirty-six years old.” HEARING VS. LISTENING, RE we were wed, when Mabel spoke a word I did not need to hark—I always heard. But things have oddly changed since then. Somehow, I've learned to listen, without hearing— now. HIS ILL FORTUNE. JUDGE'S FAVORITES. EG OE BRAT It alli isnatied en Wace, Farmer Clinchpaw, who was How Nell Gwya looked, T've no conceit, popularly believed to be as penurious Eacept that she was mighty aweet as stone-soup—in the midst of his She wat shapely asa, withal. absorption of the allurements of a F anaiogy vs true aa ‘At ieast that she resembled you. patent-medicine circular. “It looks like I never have no luck at all! If T was only afflicted with chronic indigestion, extreme lassitude, agonizin’ pains in the back, virtigo, loss of memory, terrible dread of impendin’ disaster, splittin’ headaches, insomnia, . vo eee . or a general breakin’ down of the entire nervous system, I could git a big trial bottle of STEAM HEAT DOESNT ALWAYS HEAT. Old Dr. Soonover's quintessence of rum, gin and kohosh absolutely free- gratis; but, Re Tou say oor Mat wns hedted by steam gosh-lang it, I ain't got a thing the matter with me but chilblains, and it don’t say anything about that ‘ere remedy bein’ good for chilblains! Ar-rer-r!” IN ARIZONY. Tourist—' I suppose human life is comparatively safe here now to what it used to be?” Broxco Birt—* It suttinly is, stranger! All the bad men, injins, and varmints is gone—everything is different. Wy, even the climate ain't half so deadly as what it uset to be.” : comic Hoaks| om