Judge, 1900-10-20 · page 8 of 26
Judge — October 20, 1900 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from the satirical magazine **Judge** contains three distinct pieces: **"Judge's Favorites"** presents **Lillian Blauvelt**, likely an entertainer or public figure, paired with witty definitions mocking human nature and social pretense (poker as "uncertainty," wisdom as "knowing more than you tell"). **"That Settled It"** is a brief comic about a woman justifying her engagement, suggesting satire of women's limited autonomy in marriage decisions. **"The Long and Short of It"** contrasts a girl's active, unfeminine behavior (climbing mountains, biking, strong grip) with her transformation into a delicate, languid woman constrained by social propriety and her mother's expectations. This satirizes how Victorian society pressured women to abandon health and vitality for performative femininity. **"Knew It Too Late"** (bottom) depicts rural dialect humor: a child discovers too late that calves can't be milked, mocking rural ignorance. The page reflects early-20th-century American social satire targeting gender expectations and class attitudes.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
DEFINITIONS, POKER—A certain un- certainty. Nuisance— Some one else's Reg fad. Questions— Temptations to untruth. Inspiration —What fools wait for. Laughter— The best gift of the gods. Wisdom — Knowing more than you tell. Usurper — One whois inthe place you want Jealousy — A compliment paid to excel- 7 lence. Photo. by Prince. Hindrance— JUDGE'S FAVORITES. That which LILLIAN BLAUVELT. makes success Toe bose CNbuch Tor joke thy costal eke worth walle If thou art not alone and ali-completely ” Faith— Be- Tis that wemorice oct all wild uo tender, lieving that peo- Rush back, and, listening to thy voice, surrender, ple are better than they are. Reward—The thing you don’t yet when you work for it. Slang—A short cut to expression used by the lame and lazy. King—The most useless and troublesome piece on the chess-board. Mischief-—That which it is easiest to do when you don’t intend to, Death—The only answer the universe offers to the riddle of exist- ence. Optimism—The certainty that the world will come right without THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT. our help. Ht Economy.— A way of spending money without getting any fun 9) * Well, I have promised to marry him and that settles it.” * How can you refer to Aim as *1 E'D climb up a mountain as gayly At biking she was a great hummer— As ever a bird took its flight ; Her grip it was firm as a vice ; out of it. She'd walk fifteen miles before mid-day, Ibut now she don’t shake in that manner, Banter—A means of saying unpardonable things without having And ten between mid-day and night. Because mamma says it’s not nice. them openly resented. She cultured a tan quite exquisite, Ah, now she is languid and dainty ! Argument —A means of convincing yourself that you know what Grew freckles upon her fair nose ; "Tisn't proper to be stout and strong. vou : ple at +" She made half the country lads frantic Last summer she was in short dresses, you're talking about, and of convincing every one else that you don’t. Who gazed on her tan-colored hose. ‘This winter her dresses are long. MANGARKY WRNTWOHTH MoS KELLER, KNEW IT TOO LATE. “Why, yo" lil’ fool, yo"— don't yo" know yo’ cain't milk a calf?” "* Cose I knows I cain’t milk a calf—but I didn’t know it two minutes ago,” comicbooks.com