Judge — September 22, 1900 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HARD TIMES IN CHICAGO. 7 HE strangest thing conceivable has happened in Chicago. Now, it must not be inferred from this statement that her hold-up men have been capt- ured, or that the Canadian authorities have made her back down in some dispute over boundaries. No; it is stranger than “fable yet has famed or fear conceived.” She didn’t have two million inhabitants when the federal census was taken! What do the census au- thorities intend to do about it? How will they explain the circumstance? All the world knows that Chicago had two million inhabitants in 1893, and that her population has been doubling every little while since then, Hadn't these census authorities ever read any Chicago newspapers ?. The probabilities are that the census-takers were men who had no previous experience in taking a census in Chicago, They evidently didn't know HOW CHOLLY'’S BLUFF WAS CALLED. HOW THEY LOOKED TO HIM. Teacner—** What is an island?” ScHOLAR—'tA body of land surrounded by wrinkles.” that every stranger who remains in Chicago long enough to have his pocket picked is always included in her population statistics; that all patrons of her mail-order houses are always regarded as bona-fide citizens; and that all those people who long ago came very near buying the land the city is built on for five dollars an acre are always Tegarded as residents of the city, even though they may be sponging a living in New Hampshire. But the world must distinctly understand that this disaster is not fatal, The dauntless spirit of Chicago will make it a stepping-stone to still greater achievements in the future. It 1. Mr. Oxpnot (dressing for a marquerade)—"* Well, Oy ity = eae won't this rig knock the boys ‘silly? T'll go down and show af iM ME i 14 i] Will be remembered that a few Een years ago statistics showed that New York consumed a much larger quantity of beer than Chi- cago. What was the result? Beer-schooners have since that time gloried in a capacity fifty per cent. larger than in any other city in the country. Chicago will grandly rise to the emergency. She can take a police census or a school census. If these are not satisfactory she can base an estimate of her pop- ulation on the number of names 2. Exsie’s best FELLOW—"* Darling, would that we lived in her city directory. in the heroic ages, that I might prove my love by fighting : some terrible monster, and — NOT UNUSUAL. HEN two men’s stories don’t at all agree It does not always mean That one the truth and one the lie must be; For, when the facts are seen, Most probably they both of them prove lies, And differing only in regard to size. A CERTAIN RESULT. SSYES, too bad poor Jenks AN EVIDENT ERROR. t insane, What Brtt-voy— That couple in the bridal-chamber want a caused meal served in their room, They want beef-steak, raw “ He was compositor with a CLeRK—" The deuce! ‘There must have bea some mis- firm that published Scotch dia- take in putting that couple in the bridal-chamber.” lect stories.