Judge, 1900-07-07 · page 7 of 16
Judge — July 7, 1900 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical humor pieces typical of Judge magazine's content: **"The Best of All"** is a poem mocking patriotic Fourth of July celebrations, ultimately suggesting the best sound is a dog's howling with firecrackers tied to its tail—darkly comic animal cruelty played for laughs. **"Proof Positive"** is a short joke about a silversmith named Sterling selling "sterling silver" spoons, playing on the double meaning of the name. **"Two Views"** satirizes wealth and social perception: Uncle Ezekiel is called "eccentric" when rich but "crazy" after he donates his fortune to charity—mocking how money determines respectability. **"The Crank's Fourth"** depicts a boy injured by fireworks (appearing like "a human rocket"), criticizing the dangerous Fourth of July tradition. **"Tumult in the City"** references the Boer War's Ladysmith siege through hotel pricing jokes. The remaining pieces are brief domestic humor and puns about spoons, buttons, and neighbors.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE BEST OF ALL. HEAR the wild bell clanging On high its brazen note ; I bear the cannon banging, I see the flag afloat. I hear the pin-wheel fizzing, ‘A whirling golden pie; I see the rocket whizzing And bursting in the sky. And yet of all the pow-wow Of noise I like the best The barcarolle the bow-wow Emits with wild unrest, Which, as a howling racket, Besprinkled on the gale, Can't drown the banging packet Of crackers on his tail. 2X, MUNKITTRICK. PROOF POSITIVE. Female customer—‘ You say these spoons are solid silver, young man?” Clerk—" Yes, ma’am:; every one of them.” Female customer—* Who are they made by?” A REMEDY. Clerk—" Sterling, ma'am. His name is on Whew ! but that antelope I had for lunch has the sharpest hoofs I ever felt.” every spoon.” y LIONESs—'* Why don’t you try a chiropodist for dinner?” TWO VIEWS. . sYOUR uncle Ezekiel is crazy, isn't he?” asked Fosdick of Tenspot. “Not at all; he’s only eccentric,” replied Ten- spot. “ Why, he's worth two million dollars.” It came to pass in process of time that Uncle Ezekiel. died and was buried, and Fosdick remarked to Tenspot, “I see by the papers that your eccentric uncle left his entire fortune to charity.” “Eccentric?” repeated Tenspot disgustedly. “ He was as crazy as a loon.” THE CRANK’S FOURTH. THE small boys made him wish he was dead, And he looked like a human rocket. To add to the wheels he had in his head Was the lighted pin-wheel in his pocket. “TUMULT IN THE CITY.” /, Mrs. Grinkam (reading) —“ ‘ Coffee, fifty cents We 5 Yh : by ; caps sandwiches fifty cents apiece full meals, ~ five dollars; lodging, twenty dollars’ "—— WIM itl ily Wh Grinkam—* What's that—prices at Ladysmith L MOM Ur. eus-Dians=% duriog the sage?” Mrs, Grinkam— No; it’s an article on Phila- Mas; Carerrittar—" Why, Mr. Bog! what are you moving for?” ielpila si Borel accu modanans (ues oT coaog ETLE—"‘Alll the neighbors ate onions and I couldn't stand it any longer.” lican national convention met there.” Minny ‘in| H oe, i 4 A JEWEL. Jack BACHELOR—"'Since you've been married I notice you never have a loose button on your clothes.” Nev NewLywep—"' Yes; my wife is a jewel. She taught me how to sew on buttons before we'd been married a week.” comicbooks.com